Stadtgeräusche: the Swann Legacy

Not that anyone cares

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:38:33 GMT

Well, I mean that I'm not a very big ol' face in the sims community.
I'm a lurky mclurk .
Who hates updating.
Anywhom, I don't think I'm going to keep updating the Swann Legacy on this Live Journal. I don't have the time to actually play the game anymore nor do I have the patience to update at least once a month (haha..).
To be honest, I've totally forgot about the Sims. That being said, I do looooove the Swann's I have at the moment and I FINALLY figured out how to take a decent screen shot.
Anywhom, the thing is, is that I don't think anyone really reads this, but still, I might start a new legacy in a few months or something when I feel I can be responsible enough to actually update.
For once.
God I've got to blow my nose.

-Alanna

I am a lazy sow, je sais.

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:13:33 GMT

Fuck, the internet does NOT want me to post generation five. It keeps closing it and then LJ never wants to have auto saved.

WARNING: This update is..SUPER short and SUPER unfunny

Not going to lie about this one, I am cutting it back from eighty pictures to, well I'm aiming for twenty. It was a boring generation even though the kids all turned out pretty well. Oh yeah, last update two months ago, I chose Marius for heir. Nothing else really matters.

Ione and Marius got married. Yay.

They had a baby named Viola. Yay.

They also had a baby named Sabrina. Yay.

Old people died. Yay.

Old people cried. Yay.

Bastard ACR baby of Corinne and Paul's, Josef, grew up. Hoorah.

So did baby Viola. Grand.

Marius stared at his brother's penis. Yay.

Dylan died in a fig leaf. Huzzah.

Marius did cute things. Yay.

Ione had triplets. Yay. Here's Henkka, kind of named after Henkka from CoB because I couldn't think of another name. Yay.

Amelia joined the Placenta Express. Yay.

Jarno brought up the rear and kind of like Henkka, I couldn't think of another name, so he's sort of named after Jarno from the Dudesons. Yay.

Sabrina grew. Lard.

I think these are Fang and Tinkerbelle, I will need to look into this. Grand.

Josef was Hitler. Yum.

Growing up party, here's Viola. lalala.

And Amelia. Hoorah.

And Henkka, hooray.

And Jarno with his bitch of a sister, Viola. Excitement.

Sabrina aged. Great.

All the ghosts are gigantic cunts. Case and point, yay.

Amelia also joined the growing up party again. My eye. My eye.

As did Jarno. Yay.

And Henkka.

They got roaches once and they all cried for days and that's. Yay.

Marius ate too much dog food and got fat. Yay.

And then became buff and anorexic. Eugh.

These children keep growing up, here's Viola. Yay.

I don't remember if this is Tinkerbelle or Thumbelina, I don't really care either at this point in time. Boo.

Corinne and Paul got old a while ago and I never took pictures. D'aww.

Also, side note, I totally fucked up after this. I tried to create zip files of old Swann's, but I ended up fucking them up. Less ghosts though, hooooooray!

I think that's Marigold, but I have no clue. Dead.

Sabrina grew up remarkably well. Yay.
Note to self: I need to learn how to make shirts so I can have some new band shirts for my sims. Yay.

Viola lost her virginity with a custom made hornmeister. Sexy.

Henkka, Amelia and Jarno grew up together and blah blah blah.

I killed some fugs, it was fun. Yay.

My self-sim got some CC and stopped by. Grand.

Viola checked out her uncle, but which one I don't know because they all look the same. Yay.

They went to uni where I killed more fuglies and there's Henkka, yay.

And Viola went to uni to where I learned that she likes woman, yay.

Amelia was cool in uni, hoorah.

Sabrina, yay.

I need to bring Jarno back into the legacy or use him in another legacy, oooh yay.

Amelia met her future husband, Lewin, yay.

And Sabrina hooked up with a possible porn star, yay.

They became heirs. End.

ANYWAY! So yeah, Sabrina and Amelia are both heir, but now that I look back at it, they've got super familiar faces to one another, but Sabrina was my primary choice and I wanted some green eyes, so I kept Amelia.
Now I just need to write a REAL update. Yay.

Whoa shit I need to go watch TMZ.

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 06:01:01 GMT

Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ!
I didn't realize the last time I posted was July first.
I should get on that like a cougar on a barely legal lad in a bingo hall.

WEDNESDAY IS NO LYNN DAY.
IS YOUR NAME LYNN???
THEN STAY THE FUCK HOME,
......biiiiiitch.

Plus my interwebseses was broken for a while as my cats feasted on the internet cable.
THAT IS NO EXCUSE ALANNA, GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF.
Alright, Alanna.

Seriously, that sleep? I need it.
Not that I did anything super exciting to deserve sleep..

There they are a'standing in a row

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 22:50:17 GMT

Since everyone bitches about how no one's legacy is different (and I really couldn't give much of a shit about that), I'm going to skip generation five updates I believe.
Yes. Yes.
I will do that.
I'll show you probably really important crap, but past that, I just want to catch up with updating and I noticed that I was trigger happy with Irfanview, so fuck it. Generation five is useless. It just had many boootiful sims.
And I swear to Raptor Jesus, I'm kind of getting tired of simsecret. Ees just a bunch of people saying that other people aren't good enough for them anymore and there aren't enough amusing ones that are about the sims and not just about how they don't like maxismatch or someone's meshes.
Plus people shot mine down because apparently many people don't share the same opinion. Oh well.
Only slightly bitter about that one

Crappy filler uni update

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 16:09:08 GMT

...there's still a good amount of udpating for me to finish so this legacy is caught up :|
Like...Five updates after this...
ANYWHOM!!
...You could probably go without seeing this update. It sort of...sucks balls...heir is down there

Last update, Madeline and Lady Macbeth passed and Xander was a man slut. I think that's all. I'm going to try to stop a slight bit of the swearing though just because....

...College time!! I didn't have any of the stats, but here are the boys!

Here's Clone #1 - Kai

Clone #2 - Jon and the narcissist is Marius....I don't know where Damien has gone

And here's Regina Harris!!
Maxis you are NOT funny.
I swear someone was on crack when they designed half of these faces

And here's Marius' girlfriend, Ione who apparently seems to be posessed at the moment.

It'd be a good time to tell you now that Marius is heir for the simple fact that I don't want a clone as heir as I'd mix their names all up all the time.

Family sims getting engaged *shakes head*

HERRO??? Stop the phone!! I'm pretty sure you WANTED to get married to her and are a FAMILY sim!!
Bull bull bull bull.

Parker: I think you and I should take a trip to a little secluded island just for two ;)

Marius: Well it just so happens I'm going on my honeymoon when I get out of university! Wanna come? *is oblivious*

Damien DOES exist!! just thought you should know

And this is probably all you will ever see of Kai. This update is boring me so far, yes?

Marius: The world moves like, so fast..

Damien: Yes! I loves the flowers!!

UNIVERSITY BORES THE HELL OUT OF ALANNA!

Marius: Anyway, past flowers, just remember to recycle your cup, mmkay?

Damien: Whatever, hypocrite.

Yes, Damien stood there all day drinking *sigh*

Damien: I thought we could go whack some balls around

Carmen: Would you STOP talking about balls?
Damien: What do you mean??

Carmen: OH I thought you meant uhm...lower?
Damien: Silly rabbit! Unless you want to...

Damien: Your hair looks lovely by the way :)

Carmen: Puh-leeze, I do NOT do clones!

Charles: Mmm....you're looking hot....like a greek god there..

Marius: Thanks! *still oblivious*

No Jon. No.

Damien, don't you think you need a breather?

Guy: Hey, girl with the pig tails...

Guy: He's MINE

Oh it's alright, Jon's got this one under wraps

Girl: JUST because you give me a flower does NOT mean you can mouth rape me!!

Or maybe she saw this face

Jon: So Kai, one day mom was looking up at the skies..

Jon: Well, she got abducted. I think you should know that you're actually an alien

Kai: Wasn't I born before him???

Damien, I'd watch out...

Marius, I lurv you.
Unlike this update.
Grr university.

Marius: Hey Charles! What's up?

Charles: You didn't tell me you were ENGAGED!!!!!
Marius, did you know that all the men love you?

Guy: DAMIEN! See? I can be a borderline alcoholic too!!

Damien: Wooo! Guess who has more stalkers than you, Marius!!

Damien: What gives???? I needs my fix!!

Damien *has alcohol :)*

Guy: I can fill your empty hand with something a wee bit more satisfying..

Damien: I'M the fucking man, Marius! I decide if I've had too much to drink!!

and then Damien set a bunch o' bees on Marius' arse.

Good times...?

Damien: I don't know why my brother wouldn't see the signs..

Damien: 'Cause you're fucking sexy ;)

Damien: ....why would you hit me???

Damien: Get the FUCK out of my face!!
*insert TNG joke about ugly bags of mostly water here*

Damien, you should always remember that this guy's ready for you :)

Elizabeth XD Loooove her. Always has to wander by during uni

Kai: Lookin' good there, bro!

Kai: DID JON GET LAID???

Yes, and more.

Carmen: How...how...what about me?
Jon: *nibbles on schnoz*

Carmen: I WAS FUCKING JUST KISSING HIM!! COME ON!!

Guy: Mmm..lather up there, Damien...

Guy: I mean...WHOA YOU'RE NAKED?

Maid: This update SUCKED
Me: I overwhelmingly agree. I hope no one read it.

A big boo to metabolism

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:18:29 GMT

Last update..I don't know.

'Tis Lady Macbeth's time and Dylan's too distressed to put any clothes on

Marigold, I know you didn't like the damn dog, but don't try to roll/knock over her urn.

Marius: And that's the reason why you hear and xylophone....

Marius:....When you pee!

God, what the hell now, Kai?

Oh.
Madeline: ...did Death just give me the middle finger?

I'm sure that 'alcohol' is really just death's poison.

....Did not know you liked her that much.

Jesus Christ, Xander! She just dies and you're concerned about falling love already??
You make me sick.

...but d'awwww..

And now to the lighter side...
I thought her name was "Sandy Va-jay (jay) akar"

Kai, move on. Like everyone else.

Where you going there?

Well I guess we all have our own ways of dealing with problems

AND SOME OF US DON'T CARE WHEN OUR WIFE DIES!! *anger anger anger*

See? Marius got over her death and he was more distraught than you, Kai.

A regular sight at the Swann household: old people getting their opium fix

Everytime I leave him out of my sight, he goes to sunbathe, but forgets
BLACK PEOPLE DON'T TAN...we at least not in this game...he just burns everytime :|

Why hello there Miss I'vewantedyouinmylegacyforsolong

Marius: Geeeee ur purdy *takes out dentures*

God, a little bit of make up does wonders on sims

Guess who's back?
Guess who's still not getting any?

Marius, hun, take her hand out of your skull.

Oh and here's our little ball of angst now..
Paul: I HATE SUNBURNS!!
I HATE YOUR STUPID GRILLED CHEESE!!
MY WIFE WENT OUT WITH MEN BEFORE ME!!
I HATE MY LIFE!!

Well I decided Xander had gone long enough without poon, so here's our good ol' friend matchmaker

Carrie: I know what you're thinking and I don't need him, I've got my opium now :D

You have amazing taste in females, Xander.

Xander has his ways of coping with the loss of his dear wife, Madeline. Observe:
1. Opium addiction

2. Alcoholism

3. Peeing himself
All and all, I think he's doing well.

GOD DAMN IT, MARIUS! STOP BEATING YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!

Marius: OMG TASTES LIKE LAWSUIT!

Xander: God that kid is such trailer trash

Marius, now THIS is the time where you beat your girlfriend.
I mean, beating's never a good time?

Dylan: What really sucks about being old is you've got grey on your head...

Dylan: ...and your pubes down there are totally grey too

Xander: omg. i no, rite!

We bring you the Clone 3 Band..........and Josef. I keep forgetting this kid exists.

Yes Dylan, you have a new drinking buddy other than Xander

Jon: Kan i haz one? Ooo..
Damien: ZOMG! MOM PUT YOUR BOOBS AWAY!

JON! THIS IS AN UPDATE! NOT TIME TO MASTURBATE!

Corinne: ...is she in her underwear? DID SHE HAVE SEX WITH MY SON??!

I love you, genie.

Also, Xander wished for beauty.
Thank god he's gonna die soon.

Girl: Nuh no no! Do NOT touch me there! I don't know you!!

*money falls from sky*
Girl: ...omg...he's rich.
Kanye: I'm not saying she's a gold digger....
Me: Bullshit.

100% gold digger.

100% gold digger + slut.
Dylan: Oh...so THIS is what you do when my SISTER dies??

Dylan, you cock block the best :)

Xander: *worries over Dylan*
Girl: *worries over Xander not paying her*

Xander: Now, come here my sex kitten...
Girl: Um...not now...I'm hungry for actual food

Xander, I think you may have chosen Linda Blair.

Oh yeah. You exist. Okay.

Carrie: So your dad TOTALLY plowed me like a bus over pedestrians

Corinne: WHY do you tell me these things?!?!

Well I guess Xander got his happy ending.

Jon, please to be not pushing the pretty girl infront of oncoming traffic

Carrie: I've totally got the munchies from this shit :DDD

Hmm?

Jon: HEY OVER HERE! MY DOGS SUCH A PUSSY! KAN I HAZ A NU 1??

If I update one more time today, I will scream.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:36:42 GMT

Last update, stupidity.
This update, probably the same.

For the last time Carrie, SHE'S HIS WIFE! NOT YOU!

Blonde: Hehe...balls..

Jon: Alas, balls can be quite magnificent!
Blonde: tee hee

Jon: *is high*

Birthdays: the beach edition!

Marius: Omg...I have HANDS now! (is a family sim by the way)
...pssh...and I thought Jon was high

Marius: Hey kid, wanna see something cool?

....I can't get the bitch gene out of your family, can I?

Damien grew up and followed suit *head desk*
(Damien = Pleasure sim)

However! Here is the non-clone, Marius.
I don't know, I can't tell the other clones apart unless I make it painfully obvious...

Kai: So, I heard you made out with my grandma! That's hot.

Kai: I hate awkard silences

Corinne: YEAAAH! SHAKE HER HAND! GREET HER!!
...I am the only person not excited for Sims 3 I think

Carrie: Congratulations on not being my friend anymore, asshole!

...isn't he cute??

Carrie: It's the snack that smiles back...
Xander: Don't even TRY to talk to me about goldfish, bitch.

Madeline = still my favourite sim I've ever had

I dunno...Madeline and Xander seem kind of busy right now

Bitch, shut up.

...gorgeous and talented too *overwhelming swoon*

You know you're good if strangers are tipping you before you even sit down to play

Oh, what is this? The only sim to be a gentleman to this girl?

Nevermind.

Very nevermind.

Dylan: Just remember, when you're taking a girl out on a date, don't mention certain fetishes. They don't like it on the first date.

Jon: THEY DON'T??
Damien: how does grandpa know this?

Marius: Damn my mum's cool
Me: *agrees*

Hey mum! Look what I can do!

In west Philadelphia, born and raised..

On the playground where I spent most of my days

Chillin' out, maxin' relaxin all....mum! Where are you going?
Corinne: You suck.

Marius: Peace, homes.

Now it's time to play: Which Clone is Which?

If you guessed Jon, then you're totally right!
Damien: So like...would she know if it was me if I went in there right now?
Me: Prolly the hair cut would give it away
Damien: Damn.

Damien was lonely and needed a date badly. However, Ms. Matchmaker is a bitch and only gives fugs.
I thought this would be the most opertune time for Damien to try out the new disease gun I downloaded

....and on this one too

Omg...no rly?

XANDER, DON'T POINT THAT FUCKING THING AT YOUR WIFE!!

Hehe, nevermind *is happy*

Marius: Damien, you are my favourite clone.
Kai: OMFG WHAT GIVES????

See, everyone's very concerned with townie death

Corinne: Oh hey, my dinner smells good

Corinne, please to be not burning the house down.

Corinne: Yeah well, thanks for saving the house from the fire, but you're kind of ugly, so....uhm...

WHERE THE HELL DID THIS COME FROM??
I HATE YOU ACR.

Xander: When did this happen?!?!
Me: SAME HERE!!

Here's baby Josef. I downloaded the lot debugger just incase of clones..

Yeah, I had no patience to deal with babies, so I toddlered him up (and he's super cute XD)

FINALLY, Marius stopped ignoring his family sim instincts and stopped trying to noogie everyone around him

Not that that stops any of the other boys *facepalm*

Oh hey! I think we will. Wait...didn't Jolene go out with him?

Damien: So I was like 'my uvula is so biiiig'

Jamie: No, no, still don't want

Don't worry Damien, he did the same thing to your aunt

Jamie: Yeah, your cat died, shit happens.

Exactly Damien! Don't waste your time on smelly boys.

There's so much cute that I don't know what to do with myself

Carrie!!! I thought we broke you of this!!!!!

Girls

Girls

Girls

Long legs and burgundy lips

Marius: Can you stop the cute?? *whince*

Dylan: Now that we are back together, I think a grilled cheese is in order

Carrie: Eh...about that....
Dylan, some things were never meant to be.

I'm pretty sure none of you are going to have a problem with not having enough friends...

Things are vair vair boring without any drama now.

Very boring. But cute.

I'm super cereal here guys.
Next update I *hope* is a wee bit more exciting.

Silence! I keel you!

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 15:22:29 GMT

Last update, we saw the wrath of Dylan as he finally caught his wife, Carrie, and his brother-in-law, Xander, having an affair.
...some kids grew up, Madeline pissed herself, Remmington was pissy for no apparent reason and yadda yadda yadda.

Dylan: You get on the Deans List for grandmaster assholery, Xander.

Xander: Dylan, I'm sorry, but you and I both know you don't mean that...
Dylan: Oh yeah? I wish you were DEAD. How about now?
Kai: oh...

Dylan: So Kai, how about that chili con carne?
Carrie: *has not moved at all*

Carrie: OH MY GOD! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME??
.....that's his wife though, Carrie...

...You should be glad your wife didn't find out about your affair with Carrie...

Really. What the hell?

Xander: So, two jews walk into a bar...
Dylan: Don't even talk to me.

Dylan: I DOUBLE hope you die!!

Xander: this is MADNESS
Dylan: this is ~~Sparta~~ Bluewater Village!!

Really children? Why the HELL are you mad that two married people held hands??

On that note, shouldn't ghosts float and not walk?
Jon: *has lost himself to the darkside of the barre*

How come all the small children have to be better than me at everything?

Madeline: Ew no, sleep in bed with my husband? Gross.
Me: But you don't know he had an affai--
Madeline: HE DID WHAT?

Oh yeah, slipped my mind...Lady Macbeth has a daughter now, Cinderella.

Corinne: NEVER steal my newspaper again *fires*

Hey! I finally have a picture of someone having a birthday..
Madeline: eek...awkward...that kid hates me...

Here's clone one, Kai. I thought I'd give him facial hair just so I know which one he actually is...
He's also a fortune sim. I don't have of any of his brothers' stats..

His first action after the makeover? Farting.

Kai: Oooo...you is hot :)
Blonde: EXCUSE ME?! I am NOT an object!!

Kai: You sure? I mean, I can do a pretty damn good frog impression if that'll make you feel better...

Kai: I'm totally kidding, but wow... *stare*

o rly? I had no idea.

You guys are so fucked up, it's not even funny.

I was tired of all the rose boquettes so I sent Paul out so I could put them in proper inventories...
Turns out boys she went out with in high school anger him

Again, before you, pussy.

Same deal here

Paul, you are such a tard.

Why the HELL do I not notice things anymore??
*pokes* hey, I guess Jon grew up too..

...damn. Found the culprit. I hate that cat.

Really hate that cat.

Grow up, you big emo kid.

Somehow the freezing overlays look oddly similar to the zombie skintone, no?

Here's Jon, clone #2 (who I the hottest clone SOMEHOW...I have no idea.).
He's a romance sim.

Jon: You like this? I can fill up the dog food all day for you

Girl: So this one time, I wokeup in a trunk, handcuffed and...
Jon:......I can totally relate.

Jon: You are tres hot
Girl: Up. Here.

....I ain't saying she's a gold digger..
...oh wow, my cat just tried to anal rape my other cat...
Anyways..

Jon: NOM NOM NOM SOUL

You'd think they'd cancel each other out...

That night, Kai was innocently scrubbing the pet dish...

...when his parents held hands!
Kai: DO NOT WANT

Kai, how do you think you came into this world?
Kai: I SPAWNED

Madeline: It looks as if you've just learned what sex is...

Madeline:.....and it's magical.

[Enter a title of epic porportions here]

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 20:01:12 GMT

So, last update (4 hours ago...I have so much updating to still do X|), Corinne and Paul got married, did the happy dance and produced 3 clone children, Kai, Jon, Damien and then had ONE sans clone, Marius.
Also, our dearly beloved founder, Ophelia Swann, kicked the bucket followed by Sabastian and predeceased by Sawyer (teh dog).
...and like, Carrie, Xander, Madeline and Dylan got elderized

Kai: Zomg why is there an effing plant impaling my skull? (+1000..grand)

Here's my favourite sim so far in this legacy, Madeline. *glomp*

Even the kitties like her!
And the husband!
Xander: You lookin' fine down there

Xander: Mmm....I love chefs. Chef chef cheeeeffs
wait a second..

FUCK CARRIE'S A CHEF! SLUT SLUT SLUT!!!
And she's NEKKID!!!!
This legacy was lacking drama.

So outside of the infedelity, here's Corinne's heir portrait

Xander:...kan I haz 1?

Mmkay, wait..
THAT'S DYLAN!
And the one who had the affair with Xander was Carrie and omg...

But you know, Kai, now there's a pimp in the making

Madeline, could care less, she senses something's up...
Xander: oh yeah...fill that dog dish, you dirty tramp :)

D'aww, 'tis Marius.

Clone Damien/Jon/Kai.

Paul: Damn, you are super hot

Paul: Congrats, you will be mine ;)

Damien: waaabitchbitchbitchcrycrywaaa
Wolf: Damn child *whimper*

Missed how this happened, but Dylan did find out about his wife's affair
Xander: ++

Dylan: HOW DARE YOU?? I'M THRICE AS STUDLY AS HIM!!

Carrie: I'm thuper sorry, take me back?
Dylan: Thuper slut is more like it

On to happier things...
Kai: What is this...water??

Kai: IT IS!! *splash splash splash*

Me: Clean it up, asshole.

Harsh feelings from the baby?

Wait, how the hell did you even find out about her cheating on your grandpa?!

Kai: ZOMG MOM! A+!!!
Corinne: That's nice I need a drink

Hehe, Dylan got promoted to David Suzuki XD
But seriouslyy, that's a lot of cash.

So, in celebration of his fiftieth top of the career thingum, Dylan wanted some friends

...I'm terrible, but I kind of wanted him to use her to get back at Carrie :(

Remmington: Mmm oh yeah, give it to me, Madeline.
Madeline: Yeah, hi, I'm not the slut. You're looking for Carrie.

Jon: Bang! You're dead! (yeah he grew up sometime)
Kai: Get your fucking cops and robbers out of my face

Dylan: Gonna burn this mother fucker down...

Kai really wanted to be put back on breast feeding.

Oh hey there, Remmington! What's up?

WHAT THE HELL DID SHE EVER DO TO YOU??

Corinne: DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK??
Paul: Yeah, er....what?

Corinne: YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU ONE DAY!
Paul: YEAH! *is pussy whipped*

Marius: Hmm...anyone gonna toilet train me?

Madeline: ZOMG SAWYER!!
*pisses herself somehow infront of the stairs?*

Yeah, no, Marius. I think you'd be better at potty training your grandmother..

So, Corinne bought Inner Child Toys and Gifts in Bluewater Village and quickly earned a star for her business by fucking her college boyfriend

Corinne: Hey Dane! How's the not being heir working out for you?
Dane: wtf? :)

Corinne, sometimes you've got to leave them alone, no matter how hot they are.

And flirting with the customers doesn't always work...

But you know, doing all of that SOMEHOW gives you a good review in the paper...

OMG FIRST IN THIS LEGACY! IT'S ME MINUS MY CUSTOM CONTENT!!
Mesim: Wtf lady? I'm trying to GIVE you business!!
Corinne: Sorry, sorry, sorry..
So, at risk of being rude, I need to ask: having your self sim in your game, does that make you like god and you're sim like Jesus?
Someone's gonna smite me.

Dominic: Damn this is awkward...I shoulda been heir...

Back at home, Dylan still ponders the important things in life like:
"Why is my wife such a slut?"

So it's been pretty clear that all the men in the house really want Carrie..

Paul: And now I wait *lurk lurk*

I boughts them a net.

Paul's advice to all goalies: always strike a pose while saving the ball

Madeline: DAMN YOUR SEXINESS HAS CONQUERED ME!

Jon: Whatever hypocrite! Don't even TRY to play cops and robbers with me. Damn my dad saved that goal studdly-like.

Jon would much rather get high with his great aunt then play stupid games..

So, Marius, still a ball of anger then?
(why did I not take pictures of them growing up??)

So here's Damien and Marius all child-ed up

Marius, you twat. I luff you.

Paul: Grand job maintaining your sexiness there, Carrie ;)

Dylan: So so so, okay, there's this dog called Tiffany

Dylan: And your husband TOTALLY had sex with it!!!
Madeline: lolololololololololol

I gave Dylan the secondary grilled cheese aspiration..
Dylan: So, would you like to partake in a feast of cheese and bread with me?

Madeline:....don't ever talk to me again.

Kai, you is still a pimp

Dylan:...Don't ever eat my fucking grilled cheese again, manslut.

and on that cheery note, we end this segment.

I'm on a freakin' update role!

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 16:35:02 GMT

So I looked through all my pictures and I had about 1300 left after the last update :|
I sorted them all and I have 8 updates including this one to go *is vair proud*
...and I totally only slept for 6 hours so I could update more *twitch twitch*

Welcome our generation 3 heir: Corinne!
Corinne: God, I look like such a prude with this haircut
Me: Shut it.

We invited all of Corinne's old boyfriends including Red Head #1

Bi-polar Red Head #3

...and this guy from a long time ago.
...I want some genetic diversity in this generation, can you tell?

Red Head #1: See you guys later, I'm definatly her favourite lol j/k guys

OH DEAR LORD!
Yeah, I think it's best if we go with Red Head #1

Red Head #1: WOULD YOU STOP OBJECTIFYING MY BOUNTIFUL BREASTESES??

Corinne: Oh god, what's this guy's name again that I'm marrying?
Me: Paul.
You: Oh! He has a NAME!!

Madeline: You picked HER for heir???? What about MY children??? Oh well, I guess she can fuck up your legacy
(and that she did..)

But besides this, we must show how goregous Ophelia is y/y?

Paul: Omg we're getting married!
Corinne: lol I know, right!

Paul: It's almost time for our honeymoon, we will GET. IT. ON!
Corinne: *wipes snot across her face*, you were saying?

Paul: I promise to love you forever and ever

Corinne: As do I, you are the love of my soul

Sabastian: WOOOOOOOO!!!! OH YES!! WOOOOOOOOOT!
Dylan: Sit the fuck down.

So here's the obligitory moment where Corinne opens her mouth up wide...

Corinne, I'm sure you've had bigger pieces in your mouth...
Oh hey there Jolene! Still looking freaky then, eh?
And Maxis, hey, uhm, that's Phillip not Dorian..

Townie: OMFG! A wedding? Why wasn't I invited ;(

This is the moment I wait for in every generation: baby sex

Corinne: Oh hay, what's up down there?

Ophelia: oh it's not that bad, you pussy

Here's wee baby Kai who is blacker than anyone else in his family somehow

Dylan: YEAAAAH! DROP THAT BABY LIKE IT'S HOT!

Dylan: Ugh God, I thought I told them to use a condom....

Ophelia: Congrats on my great grandchild. I love you. I love you.

Corinne: Little tight there, Grandma...
Me: OMFG she's not going to die, is she??

Speaking of dying, Madeline's a little eager for a certain someone to die...
You're a family sim my ass...

Oh well, maybe I was wrong. Maybe it is Sabastian's time...

Nope, time for stinky stinky Sawyer to be worm food

I swear everyone picked the same day to age
...and that is a sexy sexy kilt ye got going on there Xander

I'm tempted to say that Xander's actually better looking as an old man and oh my god how much mascara did I put on that poor sim??

Yep, here's Carrie who looks very nice aged up. Too bad she angers me in seven different places

Ophelia: Ah! *takes ball out of ass* I've been looking for this for years! Who would've guessed...
yeah...Daisy has a new baby, Marigold

Kai: *pimp slaps his mummy*

Dylan: Good boy, Kai! Now we need to teach you how to stab that idiot who got her preggers

Paul: So, uhm, Xander, like I think you should expect another grandchild...I may have gotten Corinne pregnant again
Xander: Whoa, she's not MY kid..she's Carrie's kid
Carrie: Hmm, oh that's nice

Yep. Indeed.

I'm pretty sure whistling at the kid's only going to get him to scream more, Sabs..

Dorian: *Pokes out from behind Paul*
Remmington: I fucking hope your baby gets pushed into a vat of acid...I am NOT paid to clean up whenever your water breaks

Very nice, but THIS IS NOT TEH TIME, CARRIE!!

'Tis a clone: Jon.

Freakin' circle of life man..
Madeline: Hullo, hey, yeah my brother's in the way and what the hell is going on

Madeline: Hmm..hmm..you've got something dead on you
Ophelia: Who me?

Ophelia: Omfg...they have strippers in hell?
Grimmie: And alcoholic beverages, now come with me

Ophelia: I'm so there.

Sabastian: *sniff* where's my wife?

Grimme: She's right over here
Sabastian: ORLY?!

Not that any of you seem too terribly sad that two people just died in one hour

Oh hey, look who it is, John Deer!

Paul: Hehe, you're not getting any grandchilluns, Madeline XD
and what the hell is on Kai's head??

Mmkay, so here's Kai all fixed...not neutered, not that kind of fixed...ugh me=major brainfartage

God you two make for a very sorry sight...

RIP Sabastian

Carrie: Lookin' good, sleeping baby..

Xander: ....but I wanted ze grandchildren *carpal tunnel**carpal tunnel*

It's very sad that the ones without grandchildren take better care of their great nephews than the actual grandparents

Oh come on, Carrie, let's see a potty face...

Now that's better

God babies are boring...I doesn't want zem anymores...

Speaking of babies

Corinne: DEAR GOD NOT AGAIN!

Paul: Hey hunny, what's going on?

I love that twins are heriditary XD
And look! Another clone! The clone is Damien and the non-clone is Marius
(I really wanted a girl so I could call her Cosette. Such a geek)

Daisy: GET THAT RABBIT OUT OF MY FACE, KID!!
Kai: Zomg, but eets soo funn!

Kai: Zomg..they puts me in a baby cage why? Zomg my teeef?!!
(Might I say, this is such a pet peeve of mine...the sims think that the toddler just can't sleep on the blanket and thus, must be caged)

Xander: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL DROP YOU!!

This update is vair boring. I miss generation 3.

Ophelia: OMFG I'M DEAD?? *weep**weep*

Dylan: Oh well uhm...why is my wife in bed with my brother in law?
...forshadowing

And here's clone #2, Jon all growned up

Madeline: Oh thank god I'm not infront of the ghost...

Jon: Daddy, why don't you love me?

Turns out that breast feeding doesn't work when you're a man
Paul: C'mon...take the biddie..

Walk by: Oh hey I just stopped by for a swim and oh look!
Me: please get into my legacy now

Madeline: Wat u lookin' at ho?

Madeline: Shit.
Walkby: *had lots of custom content deleted...*

...Where we used to raise a glass or two

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 00:02:58 GMT

lauriethemuppet told me that 117 pictures was way to much for one update.
Of course, I believe what anyone says, so la deuxième partie est ici!
Ici?

(Damn I'm an idiot...it's 3.95. Where did I get 2 from??)

We's gonna hop to it right away!

Tiffany: You didn't call!! But my, you are a fine violinist *stare stare mcstare*

Blonde: I don't see what you see in this boy, Tiffany.

Here's a brief interlude of true, grown up art.

Hmm? Tiffany's gone?

...and she's back...

Yep, still here hours later...

And still ready for him when he gets back from class.
Tiffany: My days were bleak before you!!

Tiffany: You are the SUNSHINE in my life, Dominic!! Do you understand?? You give my life meaning!

Tiffany: .....so, I's got a can of whip cream back in my dorm room that has your name on it ^___-

Tiffany: Hehe...I WASN'T KIDDING!
Me:...wait, do you have teeth in there at all Tiffany?
....and wouldn't it be awkward if your name actually wasn't Tiffany? Oh boy...I better get on that..

Tiffany: *lurk stare lurk stare again continue lurking*
Other guy: Oh hai thare, violin man!

Dominic: Got to hula for my food. Cafeteria lady won't give it to me otherwise :(
Cafeteria Lady: Damn straight. Now undress yerself.
Someone deteach these kids the fucking hula.

Yeah, he's that awesome

Jolene! How long was it ago that I killed your clone brother??

Tiffany: See??? Dominic???? We have SOO much in common!

Tiffany: Don't you DARE talk to my man, slut :) *krump krump krump*

I deprived Jolene of Popsicle Beefcake-man for a few days and look what happens

Jolene: Fucking buns of steal, man.

Dane: Oh yeah, I'm that fucking rock and roll for you, Corinne. Ohh yeah.

"Other Guy": Yeah I really don't see why everyone likes Pulp Fiction...Like it's an okay movie, but that's it..
Dominic: Whoa, wait there for a second

Dominic: DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT JULES AND VINCENT LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!

"Other Guy":.....Lord?

Dominic: If you really want my godly physique, you might want to lay off the food there, Jolene.

Jolene: Fuck you, Dominic, I's a playa. WHATEVA! I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!

Jolene: Ugh!! Holding that freak's hand is NOT FUN! NOT FUN!!!!

See Jolene? This is why you just don't quote Cartman: you become Cartman.

Well that's pleasent. Caption anyone? I've got nothing except a really crap sexual innuendo.

Corinne, stop hiring this bitch...

...And start talking to Pierce Peacock!!
(Coolest name ever to Pongs and one I've got roaming named Flynn Cannon)

Corinne: mm...me...me...me...
Lurker: mm...you...you...you

Lurker: I so want to eat you out right now

Damn those pesky overgrown cows. Stop feeding them hormones, people!

Hormone Cow: Haha! Now meet my friend GMO Tomato!!
note: GMO Tomato does not exist in this update...oh wait

GMO Tomato: Leave ma brotha alone, hoe!

Dane: mmm...that's some sexy carpal tunnel syndrom you've got going on there ;)

Girl: Uh NO THANKS! Take your unemployed ass elsewhere!

Dane: but...but....

No use in crying over spilled girl, Dane. She's got her sights set on your cousin.

Corinne: Love you!
Red Head: Love you more!

Dane: YEAH YEAH RUB IT IN!!

Tiffany: *compulsary continuing lurk*

What? A new red head?
Red Head #2: Now why don't you get those breasteses into my arms, sweet thing?

Corinne, you've got to learn how to say "no."

Red Head #2: FUCK GET OUT OF MY SIGHT
I think his new name should be 'Bipolar Red Head'

Corinne:...I'm sorry?

Corinne: He he! Pillow fight!!
Bi-Polar Red Head #2: Why you son of a bitch..

Bi-Polar Red Head #2: DON'T YOU EVER DISRESPECT ME AGAIN!
Corinne: *eats feathers*

God you guys are weird.

I'm putting Corinne and her new Bi-Polar man toy up there with Jolene on the Weird Train.
...and Tiffany. She's been riding it the longest.

Jolene, sweetie, no one cares.

..Whoa. Hi there. Um, didn't you throw a drink at him for hating Pulp Fiction?

DAMN IT DOMINIC! GET YOUR SISTER OUT OF YOUR SEX THOUGHTS!
This update is getting too weird even for me.

HULA? REALLY? A GOOD TIME?

Me: *leaves.*

So does Jolene.
She leaves as well.
Now that I look back on these updates, I kind of wish I had chosen her for heir, but the heir's grandchildren are fucking goregous so it's okay.

Dane: Hehe, bye ~~bitch~~ sis!

Dane: OH GOD! IS IT MY TURN????
Dominic: *claps*

Dane's not heir either. Boo.

Dominic: Well Corinne, it's been nice knowing you. Congrats on graduating. Guess I'm heir then...

Corinne: Hehe, GET OUT!

HEIR = CORINNE = HEIR

Once upon a time, there was a tavern..

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 22:50:09 GMT

Ha! Lookee here maw!
An update so soon? Yeah. It's a bad habit of mine: promising many updates and then only finishing two and forgetting for a month to update again XD
Shh. Quiet. Time to start.

...it's college time. Carrie thought you should know.

Let's get you caught up RIGHT NOW as to whom is whom so you don't have to think much things...?
I fail grammar in updates.

And I'm not trying to be lawl worthy when I say 'bitchy,' I just hate the word 'grouchy.'
End.

What else do you do when you're finally out of the house??

Elizabeth: Dance that funky smustle, white boy!
I've designated the fact that Elizabeth (Claude's daughter) should turn up in all university updates even if Claude never shows up anymore..

It's only natural now for all women to be entraced by Dominic's sideburns.

That or they're just in it for the drug flowers.

Dominic: My love for you is like a sandcastle, grainy and bucketful.

Meanwhile, Corinne's determined to make sure all people still dislike Jolene.

Jolene: So, let us toast to you and I and these pancakes, best buddies forever :)

Jolene: Try some pancake, buddy! It's delicious
Beaker: Stranger. Danger.

Let this start the hula infestation *multiple head desk*

Exsqueeze me? A baking powder? This is THE Castor Nova!
Oh well, we will save his wonderous genes for another generation.
Sucks to be you, Corinne.

Dominic had never considered the posibility of liking men until he saw his cousin in the shower.

Corinne: Oh like, alright, so, new friend, I've got this cousin with an unfortunate nose

Corinne: And no one will fucking give her her first kiss!
Red head: Tee hee...rly?
Corinne: Wanna give me ~~my first~~ a kiss, my red haired sex god?
Me: Well, just because you get all the boys, doesn't mean she's unloveable *reflects on own life X(*

So her new red head sex toy took up the offer and got down to it

Nevermind.
Red head: You're SUCH a tease.

Corinne: Nuh uh, you ain't getting any. No booty calls, betch.
Sorry. I had to reference Kelly in that last bit.

Corinne: mm...that red headed boy lights my fire....

Fuck.

Jolene: So here we are again...at the table where it all began :) So anyway, I was out in my garden....
Beaker: *gets up and leaves*

Jolene: 'Kay! So, Dane, I'm torn. I don't know why everyone doesn't want to talk to me, but I'm sure, being my little brother and all, you'll listen, right?
Dane: *turns back around* hmm..? What?

Jolene: And we're so totally best friends, bro! :)
Dominic: hula hula hula hula hula

Ha ha ha ha ha...What a sense of nasal cartlidge. You and Jolene could be bestest friends

Dominic: Well I guess if you really are that desperate for attention that you need to be on the same bed as me...we could get it over with..
Jolene: *tries not to look to eager for attention*

Jolene: So, kay, I'm making a new film. I have the perfect part for you..

Jolene: See, you'd be a ghost eventually in the film

Jolene: Why yes! It most certainly IS a snuff film :)

Apparently all the girls found out about Dominic and his cousins' rendezvous on his bed...

Dane: Honk honk *pokes upper torso*
Dane, you studly muffin. You're such a gentleman.

This is Dane proving that guys don't just have sex on the brain all the time...
That or is developing an erection

Corinne: It's okay cousin, you'll find someone to love you one day *kiss*

Jolene: YEE HAWW! ATTENTION!!

This was actually refreshing to not have everyone hula-ing for once. I know it doesn't seem like much, but I wouldn't have enough space on my hard drive if I took pictures of all the times these people hulaed.
Woosh.

Oh. Herro there! Either ACR or your horomones were on overdrive.

Jolene is still very upset over lack of human contact/appreciation.

Jolene: You'll be my friend won't you, glasses?
Glasses: *shatter*

Well this is a pleasent surprise! Beefcake from the last update stopped by.
He also resembled an ice cube.

WHY DOES NO GIRL PAY ATTENTION TO THE PERFECTLY GOOD LOOKING BLONDE BOY??
Sorry, but blonde boys are very attractive.
Why don't I have a scandinavian lad to call my own?
~~cries~~

The motion picture event of the season!
Jolene and the Popsicle
An epic love story of a loveless girl and Ötzi the Iceman.
Will she find love?

Popsicle: *kisses cheek*

Popsicle: Let's just be friends....
Beaker: OH COME ON! I LOVE HER MORE!
Me: You sure, you didn't seem to interested in her pancakes..

Beaker: OH COME ON! HE'S A KNOWLEDGE SIM! CAN YOU FINDZ A NEW PLACE TO MAKE OUT PLZEZ + TANK U'Z!

Me: Yeah well you make ME sick Corinne.
How the hell can sims strike up romance so easily
*is bitterly bitter*

Well I guess it wouldn't have worked out anyway. You are CLEARLY two different people.
Smustle + hula = divorce

Non-popsiclized Popsicle: Oh yeah...do it like that again. Ohh yeah. Shake it.

Aw, Jolene. You bore me now. Go back to being a secluded, green-haired freak.

So Dominic found a new hobby besides violin playing: twisting his wrist 180°

I believe her name's Tiffany?
Tiffany: Why didn't you call me? Do I LOOK like a one night stand to you???
Refresher

So I'm going to leave Corinne to fix out the kinks of this update whilst I go complete the other update :|

You're an old slut on junk

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 22:33:06 GMT

Last update..hmm...lemme check...I've very very far behind in updating. It's full of merde.

So, anywhom, Jolene was turned down by every male, Dominic established himself as the resident manwhore, Corinne was a pleasure sim and did what they do, Dane grew up and had pre-marital sex and Madeline got her ass fined for Dane calling the police with a false crime report..
Remember that one..
So....

This is why I tell you to remember things XD I love this want

Jolene: My whole life is one big dark room...
Carrie: How'd your date go, hun?
Jolene: Fuck off.

And um..Lady Macbeth grew up into a very very very cute dog.
...That's Lady Macbeth. Just so you know. You should've known, but I've got to make things painfully clear

Me thinks that's not for you...go give it to your child..

Speaking of child...
Carrie: Mm...eggular thought bubble *drools*

Ooo...who was it? Please...I was starving him for Officer Demi..

God damn townies! It's a piece of CAKE and you'd die for cake? ....

..........................................................speaking of beefcake....
Beefcake: Oiihhh.....hemrooiiids

I send Jolene over as she was desperate.

Beefy: Your manly triceps are fucking hot as hell

Someone's bitter?

Corinne: How was I supposed to know sticking my face in animal fat would do THIS?! I just wanted to feel silky smooth

Yes...I still understand there, Madeline

WE GIVE YOU BREAKING NEWS!

That's right. God I must've been tired.

I give up with you. I hope you pee yourself.

And Madeline just thought her daddy's bladder was going...
(oh yeah, I think it was two updates ago I alerted you about the glitch in Sabastian's aging after Free Time)

Madeline: ....You look ten years younger

Madeline alerted the authorities of this glitch.
No one cared.

But Officer Demi obviously did! She arrived promptly on the scene..

.....To eat the cake that I DEFINATLY forgot to resize...my bad.

Madeline: I'll have your head on my fucking wall.

Madeline: Heh heh heh...make me pay $500 will you...

You bet your sweet biffy you did!

AND IT'S ABBRUPTLY VACATION TIME!

Masseuse: So, if you dig it in hard enough to the top of the spinal chord, you should be able to kill your clients...

Dominic: I didn't mean for you to see up my towel....sorry...
Corinne: Just...let it go...*shudder*

And this bitch is the one who ruined my Sims playing experience by introducing the hang loose gesture...

Dominic: I don't want to brag or anything, but me thinks I could be the first whore of this legacy!
Corinne: Ha...you're on bitch. Bring it.

I spy with my little eye something that doesn't belong...

Corinne: So did you hear about this witch doctor guy? He fucking using popscicles as feathers!!

This...this was a bad idea. Is there a hack for less dancing/gestures?

Witch Doctor: Now shake your ass thustly! *POW!!* Like that.

Carrie: Heh heh heh...poop.

Dominic: See, my sister and I have a self-whoring competition going while on this trip, would you like to partake? ^__-
Maid: You disgust me.

Of course Carrie, because you only have two showers, you've got to spongebath infront of the beaky men....

Back home...

Corinne: Did you not shower while I was gone?!?!
Dane: I..I love you.

Dominic: Gramps, what are you doing down there?

Dominic: Oh! I understand *dry humps away*

Cutie patootie!

EXTREME CLOSE UP!

Jee, he's lovely.

Madeline better go back to the planet of Hyporcritusmaximus

You realize that Lady Macbeth loves all, aiiie?

Maybe she thinks you're King Duncan?

Mailman: I've got drugs! You like drugs?! Have them!

Lady Macbeth: A FOOLISH THOUGHT, TO SAY A SORRY SIGHT!!

New guy: Tee hee...pussy.

Madeline: I'M Madeline and I'M the true heir to this legacy. I pretty much kick ass.

Madeline: Eh! Up here buddy!

New Guy: Numnumnumnumgurrrglglejeljjahhhhwhoooohhaa

Madeline: Oh hey, Jolene! Well, uhm...It is EXACTLY what it looks like and this WAS how you were conceived.
Jolene: ....I...I...I was just going to work...

Corinne: Oh loooooord that is some mighty fine ass..
Dane: *is super cute*

Yeah, you have no chance blondie.

Corinne: If could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'u' and 'I' together.

Jolene was out looking for a little night time probing

Jolene: Hmm...my asshole feels wider...

As you can see, the aliens gave Jolene a $100 tip XD

Dominic: Haha, that's the only way you're ever getting laid...

Dylan: WHY THE HELL IS THERE AN INVISIBLE OBJECT IN MY WAY!? HELP?

Corinne: Go get some dynamite, acne head!
Dane: What the hell are you talking about?

Dane: Why does this cream burn my eyeballs??

Madeline: *mm.....Daddy tastes like Xander*

Yeah.

God I love when this happens...moving on...

Dominic: I just thought I'd check

Yeah well I never liked Petunia and neither did anyone else.

This is why I should euthanize my old sims when I delete their custom content.

Dylan! You are still the cutest little horse-faced male ever

Headmaster, I'm pretty sure the fact that Sabastian wearing the same outfit as you is the least of your worries at the moment...

Jolene: KAY! KAY...so like, the other day, mum..

Jolene: Like, she totally got 500 bucks taken off her by the police officer and later drank her!

Xander: Zomg! I KISS HER WITH THAT MOUTH!
Jolene: Like, I know, right?!

Second legacy portrait. Woot?

Dominic: Hold me, cousin.
Dane: My pleasure

Methinks it's time for university :|

Oh my shit bag..

Mon, 19 May 2008 19:23:10 GMT

I totally updated. Impressed? I am. I think I just pooped myself.

Ha! I don't have to recap for once because....
I HAVE UPDATED A DAY AFTER THE LAST ONE.
ha. ha. ha.
I need a life.

Jolene wants you in her thought bubble
(and I apologize for the wee bits of corners you'll see for a while. I don't like windowed mode.)

Jolene: See, yeah, I was thinking I could chop you up and shove you in my suitcase. We could go to Peru or Paraguay or wherever you wanted for the price of one :)

Guy: OH GOD! UGH WHY???
Jolene: Because I impulsivly love you?

Sorry I had to tell you this, but you weren't alive when I killed this kid.

Nor were you alive when your mother graduated.....

Jolene: Be mine, meh valentine :)

Guy: DON'T TOUCH ME THERE, PSYCHO HOSE BEAST
Is that not the cutest face for Jolene ever?

Dominic: Oh Jolene, baby cousin, I'm flattering her, but you know I only have eyes for you

Date: We're gonna dance like it's 1999!

Such a tender moment...and then a beam of light cut through their heads, severing each one 3/4s off.

Dominic: Babe, I picked this flower out of my back pocket espeically to match your jogging suit.
Best. Interaction. Ever.

Hey hey, you set them up. Let's see a smile!

Jolene's gonna choak that bitch
Corinne: I..love...me....<3

'Scuse me? Lemon juice? Incestuous kissing of your cousin is not how you make friends

Now THAT is a manly towel.

It had a caption a long time ago, but all I can say is that is a cute face.

D'aww. Look at the knowledge sim prance around with her homework...

...and then run away.
Jolene: UGH! DOMINIC! PUT THAT....THING AWAY!

True story. You don't run into thousands of dollars on a freakin' hike.

Dominic: Hey Jolene
Jolene: Hey Dominic
Corinne: BITCH FUCK MOTHER FUCKER CUNTS!

Jolene: Grand job being a mini-manwhore :)
~~Teen Girl Squad~~ Corinne: Tastes like nine minute miles

Chick: Aw hells no, I'm not going back to prison!
Dominic:...but my mummy says I'm sexy....

Fuck off small child

Dylan: Uhm...Carrie..
Sabastian: I wish that was my son getting in....

It's the eye of the tiger it's the cream of the fight! Risin' up to the challenge of our rival!

And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night and he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger!

No Eye of the Tiger for you.

Dorian came over for a visit! He's Jolene's new bestest buddy in the whole wide world!

Collective aww
.

Damn I'm going to have to go eat garbage now if it really does improve fitness...
Coach: That's a fine ass you've got goin' thar.

Dorian: Oh Jolene! You make me laugh ever so hard. Let's just make sure your breasteses are doing just as well....

Jolene: Oh what a laugh you are, uncle Dorian XD
Dorian: ..I wasn't joking.

Xander: Good job on being born, Jolene! You really gave 'er to your mother that night :D

Dane: Just wait until I blow out my candles and then you can all not waste the fridge's food and eat my damn cake!

Why herrrroooo there fortune sim!

Carrie: Lemme just feel that bicep there...mm...that's hot. Congratulations. You are made of 100% certified prime sexy beefcake.

Oh Phillip's not going to be too happy there...I guess every Swann generation needs to make it with Adele Wade...

Dane: UGH! WHAT THE HELL IS TWO APPLES PLUS THREE APPLES??!?!

Dane: Bitch thinks she can do it with my cousin...I'll attract her twice as hard...

Dane: Adele! Look! I'm sweet and sensitive and play the mother effin' violin!

Could you not flirt with your cousin?

Corinne: Between you and I, uncle Xander, could I take Jolene to my room?
Jolene: Oh god oh giddy giddy god get me out of here..

Speaking of pleasure sims being easily amused...oo bright shiny thing..

So yes, we made Lady Macbeth the dog she is.

Oh boy. Man nipple. So PG13

You will be in this legacy one day...one day...

Dane: Me? Well I'm 6'8 and totally ripped...

Dane: ...but benieth this tough exterior is a hopeless romantic who enjoys wine tastings..

Dane: ...because I'm a pussy and have no balls.
Wait what?

Of all things cute and tiny...

Madeline: Cunt bitch mother fucker owww!!

Dane: Dad, move to fucking E5 already! You're losing to yourself. Dumb bastard..
Hostility?

So one day when Dane was skillfully collecting butterflies with his manlyhood in his free time...

Dane: You're as old as my mum, but twice as hot! Get over here.

Dane: I think we could be together forever...

......all on their ~~ACR~~ own about two seconds later... :|

Jolene: AUNTIE! WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP THE FOOD?!!?!!

Dane: Well, ye see, it's gonna take power tools to get your granny panties off, but if you insist..

Dane: ..it's almost too easy

Dane: Ha! I got laid! What did you do today? HUH? HUUUUHH?????
Excuse me, one moment here, why do you and Jolene need to hover over Corinne whilst she sleeps?
Dane:....because I think she's hot?
Me: Well, alright I guess...just make sure you don't give her whatever you just got from that whore in bed two seconds ago...
Dane: *scratches crotch* what??? *looks down* ...Damn it........oh well...time to give Corinne crabs...

Now off topic from pubic lice, this is why Sabastian stays in this family.

Sabastian: What is this falling from the sky? Confetti for my big ol' money earnings? God's dandruff? Fluffy cocaine??

Sabastian: Fluffy cocaine! Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! *snort snort snort*

Please get in one of the potential heirs' beds...

I think he'd be absolutely perfect for Dom Dom.

Jolene: I think I may love you...can I play darts too?

Jolene: LET ME PLAY WITH YOU NEXT TIME, WHORE!!

Corinne, I so fucking envy you and you're just pixels.
Thanks cursor for telling me whom Dylan is.

Dane: These roids really do work!! Oh damn...ow...crab.

.....

Jolene: WILL SOMEONE LOVE ME PLEASE??

Dane: *is a cutie*

Carrie: Mmm...babe...call me...
Xander:....but we live in the same house...

Carrie: Fine then! Just pack your bags and we will leave together under the cover of night tonight, s'alright?

Xander: Hmm...I think I lost my luggage in my wife's mouth. Lemme go find it...

I think Sabastian's trying to make logical sense of this video. I mean, I am too. I like the music, but IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

Xander: Once again, you make me fell like a schoolgirl again :)
Madeline: Girl...again??

You really need...

...to have better...

...taste in...OH HEY HIS NAME IS PONG!

Long story short, Dane called the police for fun and Madeline got bitched at my Demi Love. This is vair important for the next update...

Jolene: *sniff* but...but...I spent $5000 dollars on this date.........

.....FUCKER!!!

....and I wouldn't mind a comment or two.

Stop painting your lashes, tube them!

Sun, 18 May 2008 18:11:10 GMT

I'm not kidding about that title. It's the probably the most stupid slogan I have ever seen on a product. Thus, I own it. I do not pwn it. Own is for big kids.

Yeah.
I could say I have an excuse as to why this update is coming two months and three days late, but I wont use it.
BLEHELRJAWLRJWEKL to you too.
Here it goes...

I know your excited. Hot damn. So excited.
Recap?
I believe that's in order

So, last update however long ago, Madeline and Xander got married to each other as did Dylan and Carrie. They each had two children. Dylan's kids are Dominic and Corinne and they be twins. Madeline gave birth to Jolene and James, but unfortunatly, James was just an ugly clone of Jolene and thus, was struck down by my wrath.

Carry on my wayward son..

Really. Those are some sweet ass mustaches.

UPDATE TIME:

Apparently Dominic doesn't appreciate his aunt (who let her son die in a confined room) tickling him.

But it's okay if they have presents.

Let's try this agin, okay folks?
You know what? I can only imagine this popping would be super fucking painful.

I can't deal with normal pregnancy, so we sped this one up.
This is Dane Swann and got Ophelia's recessive hair gene! Excitement was had by all.
I was tempted to name him 'The Ugly Duckling Who Became A' Swann, but I decided against it sadly enough.

Okay so...by the hamburgers in the previous picture, I'm sure you've guessed that I sped up his babyhood?
Upward inflection?
Last child to get this treatment, I swear.

Madeline: Hey hunny!
Jolene: Hey bitch! Get the FUCK out of my house!

Ah, yes, Jolene, I love you.

Dominic: Excuse me, but my grandmother's washing her wrinkly folds and I need to tinkle. Halp?

Jolene: One day I'll be an even bigger pimp than Uncle Phillip....

I thought we could use a montage of Corrine and her surpassing autonomonous cute happenings..

And then Dominic's testicles dropped.

Fuck, you scare me.

Enough.

So question, if someone destroys an evil snowman, would they be considered good or an asshole?
Really? I don't have a humourous bone in my body now. Not even my arm bone.

Jolene's autoevil balances Corinne's auto cute and thus, the world can continue and THUS I need to stop saying THUUUUS.

Not only can she tease her brother with the rocket, she can tease the pedophiles in her undies.

Hey thar, Rufus. Out for a first haunt? Nice to see you without eyelids?

I like that the children don't know that they are TERRIBLE dances. It smells like soup upstairs.

No more lifetime wants for you!

Dane! You could possibly be in the running for Corinne's autocute title. However, I'd like to point out that your aunt has no problem with having a bath with your dad in the room.

D'awws errupted from every corner of the world.
Even from Mao Zedong's corpse...

I just realised I have a lot of useless pictures on my computer.
And I must use every single one of them.

Anyway, back to Madeline cheering up a random-ass stranger..

Madeline: So like...my mum...

Madeline: Is totally not friends...

Madeline: ...with my sister!
Stranger: ZOMG.
What a twist. That should go in a fucking M. Night Shaymalan film.
Ugh, fuck you M. Night Shaymalan.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cWWtb2uDDfE

See anything wrong with this picture?
A forgotten child?
His parents making out?
A Garbage bag?
Neither did I.

'Scuse me?

Jolene: Like, our grandmother's a hoe..
Xander: "Let the hate flow through you."
Wait no..that was Palpatine. Nvrmd guys.

Ophelia: Great job on being hot, daughter!

Rufus, go fuck Lassie in the ass.

Madeline: Hello? I've got a child in my hand and I reaaaally want to have sex with my naked husband in the tub. Ultimatum much?

D'aww! Old people are lovely :)

Whoa whoa whoa..wait!

That's my self sim's son!! WHORE!!!

Ophelia: Oh hey there...we were just making sure that uh...well he's a gynacologist you see...

Speaking of pediatric gynocology, Dane grew up and scared the bejebus out of everyone.

I'm sure this had a caption two months ago.

Corinne: I just can't do the smustle!
Madeline: Failure! Go back to Hogwarts

This is a good time to tell you that Madeline and Xander went on vacation.

This started a heinous chain reaction.

You should've stayed confused *sigh*

Cute shit...too bad it's a jpeg.

Xander often reminds me of the excorsist

Madeline: Does this remind you of a little game we play in bed?

Insert penis jokes if you've go them..
haha..insert penis..

Camping teenager: Woooo! I can't wait until I can do it in a tent!

Wrong cutlery there, buddy.

At this point, I installed Free Time.

Ugh, fuck you expantion pack.

Now prepare for some Free Time spam...this would've been more effective if I updated months ago..

I give up.

Carrie: So I was thinking we could handcuff your husband and gang bang him, what do you say?

Madeline: The only person who gets to have babies with you is me. You'd better rekognize. Respek.
That killed me to spell it that way.

Corinne: Whoooa faaaall!
Dane & Jolene: If we ignore her, she'll go away.

Sabastian: I love you, Ophelia.
Ophelia: I love you too, Logan.

Dear diary,
Komei is an ugly fuck.
xox,
Madeline

Xander: Dane! Get your eyes off of your mother's ass! That is MY ass!

This doesn't happen often enough.

I never realised how cute elders pillow fighting after sex was until this beautiful moment.

Dominic & Corinne: Mummy...Daddy...what's Grandma doing to Grandpa?

Dylan: Cover up, you disgusting old man. Don't EVER touch my mother ever again.

Dane: When I grow up...
Corinne and Dominic: OH SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!
Free Time spammage...

You should feel good for beating a small child.
Er...beating a small child at soccer...not just 'beating a small child'
Ugh god, I'm a terrible person.

Puberty.
Dominic's a romance sim and I don't think I'm going to give the 'vitals' and shit until they hit college.

Nobody gets between Sabs and his woman.

Corinne's a pleasure sim in the pink.
OH GOD I DID IT AGAIN. UNINTENTIONAL INNUENDO.
Fuck it.

Make over time! I wish I could do this to certain people in real life...so much potential.

Madeline: Is she watching? Is she? IS SHE? This is MY man!

Xander: Great job on making friends.
Carrie: Screw friends, let's make babies!

Corinne found his tie overwhelmingly sexual.

Like really. It's a fucking hug.

Dominic: Am I sexual?
Definatly the best line in a song ever.

Guy: Yeaaaah.

Am I everything you need
You better rock your body now
Everybody yeah
Rock your body yeah
Everybody
Rock your body right
Backstreet's back alright
Now throw your hands up in the air
And wave 'em around like you just don't care
If you wanna party let me hear you yell
Cuz we've got it going on again

Dear god. My inner six year old is coming out and I am so glad I sold those cds.

Pre-made walk by! Only his lips got deleted and thus, looks like a prositute.

Dylan: OUT YOU PERVS!
Sabs: NO I NEED TO PEE!
Ophelia: I'M TIRED!
Madeline: I like cleaning.

Birthday time..

Speaking of birthdays, Cockatoos don't live in your climate.

Jolene would have such a good chance of being heir if it wasn't for her schnoz...and she's a knowledge sim. I just thought I'd up that in there.

Random walk-by children are so unneccessary..

Okay, so long story short, I got my computer upgraded with more RAM and it was defective. It fucked my game up and I moved the Swanns out of the duck pong and into a beach house. Rufus' grave is lost in space.
I gots the house from... http://modthesims2.com/showthread.php?t=266255

Beach spam yadda yadda yadda.

Always the scariest Maxis made kid. Oh well, he wears lipstick. I don't care. I'm tired at 1:30 in the afternoon.

You know usually you're supposed to cheer for your own children.

Sabs, I don't understand how you managed to get sunburnt in the middle of the night, but to each is own.

~~Kid who works with Shaun~~ Xander: You've got red on you

First kiss. Next.

You might want to take your kimono back. It's got uhm...a lot of pulled threads?

Dominic: Nice ass, Mum. Keep it up *thumbs up*

Damn Dylan.
'Nuff said.

And then I installed ACR.

I leave you here with Carrie being a stupid whore.

Wait no. I don't leave you there. I leave you...HERE:

I hope the links made up for not updating for months.

Alanna is a lazy S.O.B.

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 05:36:58 GMT

It's true: this is an update!
A real one, not just me bitching about how stupid I am and then trying to be funny, but just am not...

Last time Uhm..I don't really remember. It's been a long time since I updated.
I believe the gaggle of Swanns went to college, did some engaging and then I said I chose double the heirs: Dylan and Madeline..
Yeah. That's it.

So yes, Dylan and Carrie got married and all was good.

And Madeline grabbed Xander's ass, and it was good.

And then Lord Alanna said 'Let Madeline and Xander get married' and it was good.

You'd think Xander was hot by this magnificent makeover, but no. Whatever makes Madeline happy makes me happy though :)

Carrie: ZOMG!! Here comes the after-sex tickle traaaain!!

...Carrie and Xander ended up being family sims.....4 FUCKING FAMILY SIMS IN THE SAME HOUSE AND I AM DRIVING MYSELF INSANE!!
Delivery Man: Yeah.

Perhaps calling his own lot, k'ay, thanks.

Carrie: Oh, Lord! My husband finds my skimpy night slip boring!!!! Why hast thou forsaken me?
...does this count as blasphemy?

Carrie: LOOOOVE MEEEEE AND MY BUNN!!
Dylan: Mmm...mahjong...

Talking to the belly is probably the cutest interaction ever, but also the most pointless. Like, I'm pretty sure petit Swann fetus can't hear you..

Carrie: Oh the laaabouur paaainn!
Dylan: Ooo...Mahjong...mahjong mahjong mahjong!

Really guys? I'm sixteen and I'm finding grammatical mistakes in your game...

Corinne and Dominic Swann hath been spawned! They've both got black hair and super light blue eyes (reminds me of the Dune moives, but whatevs..). Corinne got uhm...a shade lighter skin than her mum and Dominic got a random skin that no other sim in his family has...

Dylan: My love for you is so strong, that I think you'd be better on the floor...so I can play mahjong

Really Carrie, the door is right there. Take it.

Oh alright. Don't leave, just don't piss yourself, mmkay?

After sex slow dancing? Romantic? I think so...:D

Xander: Even though I can't see you through this wall, Madeline, I still get horny at the thought of you!

Don't you love stupid-ass lecturing at babies?

Exactly. That's why you don't fucking mess with babies who poop themselves. They impregnate you.

Clean their filthy bumolies, Madeline! You're getting one soon, so stop whining.

Or um...have your own baby? This is Jolene Swann who for some odd reason was born into a skin that no one in the damn family has...
....and that has a slathering of make up everywhere.

Not now, Carrie. I will boot you out if you mess with your sister-in-law's husband.

Don't lie, you all secretly are poo mongers!

Madeline + Xander = ZOMG SMELLY BABY *heart attacks*

Xander: 'eh, Mum-in-law! Look what I can do!!! *impales nephew on a plumbbob*

For the fucking millionth time, here's Ophelia cheering for herself because she earns money.
Like everyone else.
But she gets her LTW and that's all that matters.

Jolene grew up sometime...and not very well I might add.
Stupid Xander and your misleading genes.

"And you can tell eeeeverybody...this is youurrr sooong!"
And you can tell everybody, you've harnessed your inner Elton John.
And you can NEVER FUCKING EVER tell everybody, that Alanna's listened to Your Song about 20 times this week.
Oh you do too, don't look at me like that.

A two second date thirty years ago...and you still cream your bed sheets over him.

Corinne: Not now daddy. Feeding can wait. IIIII'm being autonomonously cute!

Ophelia: Leave! I smell like death!
Madeline: Yeah! Well...I'm pregnant!
Corinne: Yeah well, I'm being cute. Again. Fuck you.

Dylan: *mouth is full of old college fling*
Carrie: Mahjong...mahjong...mahjong MAHHHHJONGGG!

That's it. This table is going.

Carrie: Tiddles! Checo's sex parties aren't just an urban legend?

Dominic grows up. Whatever. Okay, I'll admit I'm not super funny at 12 am. That's the end. I'm going to go curl up in a corner...

Yeah...Corinne gets to grow up too. Blah blah blah, you know the drill. This family needs a new house.

Speaking of birthdays...
Ophelia: Fuck you, establishment! I will not get old!

Oh come on, Ophelia. You know you love your new found saggy boobs.

See?!?! Auto-fucking-cute. Non-stop. Corinne and Dominic.

I dunno guys, Ophelia still looks like a sex bomb.

Never leave a pregnant woman alone with a cake.
*Madeline pounces on the cake like a lioness on a warthog carcass*

Xander: Herro baaaby! Don't you ever turn out like your grandmummy, kay?
Carrie:....Hey Xander. Want to go find an empty room?

Yeah, Madeline gave birth to James, who, like Jolene, has a lot of make up on for just coming out of the womb.

Day 69,
Dear Diary,
the bear hasn't moved. It continues to stare at me with it's beady black eyes.
I might need to kill it with this glitched pen/knife.
Yours truely,
Corinne Swann

The last shot of the cutie, Rufus.

Madeline: Hey death, once upon a time, there were three bears...

Rufus, you will be missed. You were a cutie and annoying as fuck :'(
Sawyer: Yoooooowwlll!! Daaaaaddddyyy!!

Aw, it's alright Sawyer, Jolene will take away your sadness!

....Or Ballin' Balin will just kick your ass.
It's so sad: Sawyer looks vair vair emo at the moment.

Carrie: Hey, Corinne! You kids still like the rock and or roll?

Corinne: Mum, you try too hard. Go put on some baroque and cry yourself to sleep.

Yeah, well, Dylan got his second LTW. Le woot?

So with one animal down, we get a new kitten, Petunia's daughter, Daisy!

Aww, Sabbs, you are the cutest mourner ever...mainly because you're the only one that cares..

Ophelia: You look like you need some consolling ;)

Sabs: Oh yeah, console me, babe, console me all you want.

Jolene, yeah, you're just....I'm not even going to talk about you anymore.

So, James turned out to be a Jolene clone and what do we do with clones?

Why, put them in small, confined spaces of course!!

Dylan: Fuck you father, getting all the attention. You'll be dead soon enough.

Take one last look at the youthful visage of Sabastian Swann...

James: Hello? Anybody?

We interrupt this lonely toddler update for....SABASTIAN THE OLD FOGGY!

James: .....Lord?

Because I run into fire when I see it too.

Xander: Oh...I...I...I....feel so violated....

Corinne: Aren't we just adorable now that's we're older? La la la...
See? At least they know how to play with rockets because they ain't no horsie.

Really? I'm going to have to stick a ten foot pole between the two of you.

What could this mean, oh what could this mean?

Why, it could only mean a surprise visit from the older sister!

Madeline: Welcome home, bitch! That's for having the same haircut as me!!

Enough autonomonouscuterousmaximus.
Honestly, there's a lot more autocute in the next update.

Why do I get the sudden urge to kill every family sim in sight?

It's faces like this that didn't get Sandra chosen as heir.

okay, I know you think I'm pretty much pure evil right now.
I totally got tired of waiting for the social worker, so I tried killing him using the death simulator and so he grew into half a child, stayed half toddler and it's cooooool.

It'd be nice if someone noticed their cousin/nephew/grandson was dead

Kind of a bad time to call, dormie..

Madeline: What are you looking at me for? How was I supposed to know my child needed love?

That concludes one of the worst updates I've written since the beginning of the Swann Legacy.
This has been Masterpiece Theatre. Good night. *passes out like a sim toddler*

Because you MUST want to know..

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 16:43:56 GMT

I know you don't, but I just like making myself feel important, m'kay?
Anywhom, my computer is vair vair slow and double heirs was a pretty bad idea because there's 10 people in this damn house. I spend like, an entire day trying to get through a sim day and it's pretty much painful. I'm considering buying some RAM so after this, I should, *should* be able to play more, and from that, update more!
I thought whomever was interested in reading bullshit might like that.

Because I'm terrible at photoshopping things, you get myself, Bleeker and Koblenz, Germany.

Head Cheese

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 15:41:30 GMT

Yes yes, I'm lazy. Enough already!

SURPRISE!
I'm learning the art of not trusting the sims camera mode! *collective hoorah*
At the same time, I'm a bit of a dumbshit when it comes to using Irfanview, but all will be well in time, homedawg.
So, anywhom, last update there was some puberty, some fighting, some letting the twins only have three days as teens, some sex, some heatstroke, somewhoreallycares?Notme, nosireeeeebob.
Continue?
As you wish, m'liege.

Maxis gives Dorian style beyond all that is style.

So that's Madeline and Phillip.
Am I the only one that thinks the backrub interaction is seriously creepy on family members? It's like 'yessss, let me touch you'
'Ooo feeeels goood. Lower....lower..'
yeah. Incest is not as good as muffins.

Dorian: Mmmm...I'd like to peel that track suit off her! Mmmhmm....

It was only when Dylan aimed for her lips and got her forehead that he realised he had grown up.

Next.

Dylan: Hey, now that you're not a teenager, we can properly make out without the cops on my ass!

Thanks, Madeline. You wasted $5000 on someone who's about to die in two seconds.

Dorian: So! Would you like me to deflower you now or later?

You have terrible taste, Miss Madeline.

Dylan: C'mon! Move! I want to sponge myself clean!
And it's true. He shooed the cafeteria worker for a good hour because he wanted to wash himself in the sink.

Sandra just sits in her room, wasting away at the computer.
Like me.
Hooray.

Speaking of Sandra, someone's got back boobies.
Honestly, if you're going to make sim clothing, at LEAST don't put boobs on the back of the damn clothing.

Yeah, Dylan, you've got mad skills there.

I...I loves the Madeline. She is a cutie patootie. The end.

Sandra: Oh hey there. I got about a billion scholarships because all I do is read. If you want to learn more, press 1. If you want me to shut up, press 2. If you want to see me highland dance whilst wearing a banana suit, press 3.

Me: *presses 3 on her telephone*

Give up, Madeline. The matchmaker doesn't like you.

REALLY doesn't like you.

REALLY REALLY doesn't like you! Honestly. You send him home once and he falls from the sky a billion times.

Madeline: Daddy, want to come over?
Sabastian: Yes! Can I bring a friend?
Me: I don't think a nanny who neglected your children is really a friend there, buddy.

End.

Speaking of end...
Bye bye ugly dormie!

Dorian: Yeah, hey there, God...someone's dying is getting in my way!!!! Li'l help here?

2 dormies down.
Sandra: Yeah, hey, there's $2000 worth of scrap metal infront of me and I want to play darts. The important things await!

Madeline: Daddums, I'm going insane. University takes for-fucking-ever!!

Claude: I'd ride that.
Madeline: *swoons*

Way to dance, buddies!
Dylan looks like a horse, but he's fantastic.

Thanks for that, Sandra.

Dorian: EWWW! Pretty girls! Away...AWAY
He's rather picky for a fucking romance sim.

Now Dylan on the other hand, would have made a fantastic ~~manwhore~~ romance sim

Date: Eh eh eh! Eyes up here, perv!

Not quite. You didn't have a date. Twice.

Claude: Hey! I see you're getting your man slut on! May I partake?

Seems like the Richard Simmons work out is catching on.

This is Madeline's other half, Xander. I kid you not, Xander.

Dylan: So what gets you hot?
Cheerleader: Unemployed, lazy bastards..
Dylan: Well I'm your man!!

Madeline + Xander = A mistake I wish I never made. You will see next update *shudders*

Madeline: Hey, thar, we had sex so...

Xander: OMG! OMG OMG OMG!!!11!!!

Xander: You've made me the happiest princess in the entire wooorrrllld!!

Sandra: Madeline's caught the love bug, but I've got DAAAANNNCEE FEEEVEEEER!!

Dorian, honestly. I have nothing to say.

Cheeleader: Hey! Watch my balls there, tiger!

Cheerleaders are painful to date. They cheer for 10 minutes every sim hour.

Dorian, you should sleep with Heather more often.

Xander, you must be loaded. This makes me happy.

The horse is adorable.

Phillip: Hey, twin, am I the only one not getting laid around here?

No kissing your damn brother, Phillip.

Then Phillip made a friend. Who is engaged. Who is Claude's daughter.
And who is a friend with benefits.

Are you going to take that shit from a kid named Flynn Cannon, Dorian?!

Dorian: *cries* YEESSSS, Ah---Ah---Alannaaaa waaaaa.

Dorian: OMG FIIIIIREEE!!
Phillip: Plus. Bff with Claude's daughter. Lawl.
Sandra: *is boring*

And then Phillip got sexed.

Guess who's the one no one talks to...

Really. Honestly.

Dorian, your date probably isn't going as good as you think it is.

Tiddles. I love the faces during pillow fight sessions. I just hate how they happen every two seconds with my sims.

He's got the magic touch.

Sandra: Oh hey there, brother! I see you are about to score with the new girl...
Can I join?

I HAVE NO EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT TO YOU, BITCH. I WILL DELETE YOUR TOOOOMBBBSTONE!

For the last time, your mother is not, I repeat, NOT a dog!

Dylan: Psst, Madeline! Alanna might pick us for heir even though I look like a horse and you've got an ugly fiance!
Madeline: Mmm...dean's list.

I'd think you'd have macoroni up your nose by the time you wake up, but naw...

Proof that Heather and Xander met in their late night escapades of sneaking..

I...I..I just love faces.

Xander: Where on the screen does it say that I'm an object to be oggled?

Madeline: So you want to woohoo?
Dormie: ......Can I watch?

Sandra: Why...why would you hit me with a pillow?? It..it doesn't make logical sense...

Sandra's geek dance prevales as she has beat Pimp Viking.

Dylan: Hey Madeline, I've got a present for you...
Madeline: That's what you said last time. And last time you were dancing. Nude.

Well...I would think you'd have enjoyed the date seeing as Dylan proposed to you.
Sidenote: Dylan proposed to her (and her name be Carrie)

Oh Dorian, did you go bi?

Surprise beyond all surprise.
And with -100% sarcasm.

Madeline: Is it my job to tell you all that having a family hot tub party is a wee bit sketchy?

Well if you don't want her to read what you wrote about her, then sit AWAY from her.

Time for heir selection!
And it's not Phillip. Hmm, whatever. Bye bye ~~Hugh Hefner~~ Phillip Swann

Dylan: It's your turn, Dorian!

Attractive.
I think I may bring Dorian back later when Maxis doesn't think his great great great great nieces aren't actually related to him.
Hooray for the joys of simcest.

Your heirs!!
MADELINE AND DYLAN.
Shut up. I like Madeline. I don't care what you think. I wont give in to peer pressure.

Say good bye to college, Dylan!
Madeline + Sabs = BINGO..or whatever the fuck it's called

Snoozer? Hey, a smustlefest is anything BUT a snoozer.

So yeah...That's the end of this update. Next time, there will be sexy baby making resulting in ugly children. Oh well, you can't win.

Jump out the window with your hands on your buttocks

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 04:21:21 GMT

It's long overdue...

So, meine Lieblings, The Swann family last left off with... (runs to go check)...
Uhm so, Phillip and Dorian grew into assholes of children who just like to fight with each other and Sandra had a date. Good for her....yeah, and now we move on..

Don't you just love the smell of fresh literature in the morning?

I think I forgot to mention that they have a cat named Petunia now. I fucking hate her. The end of the update.

No, I'm not THAT much of a bitch.
But I do hate the cat.

Because brutality with fluffy pillows makes me happy inside. I wish you could all be inside me. You would all know how it feels.
Ahem.

My favourite interaction..moving on....

Well it's good to know that the private school doesn't have high expectations for applicants if this idiot can be the headmaster.

Dorian's going to be a fantastic romance sim if he can deep throat more than that horn...
Oh..and happy birthday, Dylan.

....Happy birthday indeed! Why does he not exist in real life? WHY?! He is goregous embodied in pixels.

Dylan Swann
Popularity Aspiration LTW: Become Media Magnate
Turn Ons: swim wear and full-face make up
Turn Off: Cologne

Sloppy 1
Shy 3
Active 7
Playful 7
Nice 7

And it appears that Ophelia has self-esteem issues in the bedroom :(

I wish I had the power to summon pooper scoopers out of my ass too....

Sabastian: So, you kids reading Aladdin now? You grow up so fast...
Dylan: *stare*

You can really sense the strain of marriage when your wife beats your head into a phone with a pillow, can't you?

Sabastian: And then I was like, 'you're body's like magic, babe'
Ophelia: Yeah. That was me. You asked me if I wanted to see your magic stick.

Dylan: Hello. THERE'S A FUCKING TABLE IN MY WAY! I CAN'T GET OUT OF THE CHAIR WITH A TABLE IN FRONT OF ME!

Dylan: WHAT THE FUCK? THERE'S A COUNTER BEHIND ME! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF THIS CHAIR?!!?
S-M-R-T.

Make way for the assholes...

Ophelia: If I just dance, they'll disintegrate into oblivion..

Sandra: Oh, hello Mother Unit! I see you are whoring up the new headmaster. I'll just go call Kids Help Phone...

Oh really, Dylan? The hot girl isn't good enough for you?

Sandra: Hullo, Alanna? Why does nothing exciting happen to me?
Me: Because you bore me. And you got ugly.

Because Dylan thinks she's SO repulsive.

Damn you cute interactions! NO MORE.

I lied. Stop being cute.

Sandra: No, no I will not fuck my brother...
Well I would hope you wouldn't...

...But it's alright to grind him.

Dorian: I will cut you if you throw that pony at me

Remember guys, when you're out talking to random women, bring up math. They find it sexy and it's like Love Potion #5.
Honestly, as you will see later, I wish Dylan was a romance sim...

Tiddles! I gave Rufus a son, Sawyer. He's the child of Rufus and my self-sim's golden retriever, Lady.

Sabastian: Why, Jebus, why must I be violated so?

Sawyer is love.Spamed.

To prove Dylan's goregous self to be more goregous, he got busted. Ooh, what a rebel...yum.

Ophelia: and do NOT go roaming back alleys for hookers at night! You will get pistol whipped!! If not by the pimps, by me.

I love how much Ophelia and Sabastian care about their sons.

Madeline, you are a magnificent beast. Please grow up

And grow up she did! Corn rows are very appealing.

Now that's better!

Madeline Swann
Family Aspiration
LTW: Have 6 Grand Children
Turn ons: Athletic old foggies
Turn Offs: Fatties

Sloppy 5
Shy 5
Active 9
Serious 5
Bitchy 1

Now THAT'S what I call getting your anal glands squeezed.

Dylan: Oh...my...Jebus...I can see myself...in the plate! *licks*

Bad quality picture taking...
Bad quality date.

Second crap date. Damn, Madeline, be attracted to somewhat good looking guys.

Way to block Dylan's cock, Rufus (sorry, I'm thinking of Superbad's "Sorry I blocked your cock...")

Well at least they're not spooning.

Sandra grow a pair of balls and play redhands already!

Hard. Core.

Tee hee, may I present Claude for the billionth time. Ophelia constantly brings him home.

Sandra: So, how would you like to come back to my place?
You are at your place...and you're attracted to an attractive sim. Just do it already.

Dylan spam.

BIRFDAY TIME, GUIYZ LOL!!!!

Really, midnight creeper, go home and stop checking out the 13 year old boys

And you, Claude!! Stop playing mahjong with Claude!
Claude: So did you read the story in the paper about me? They found me lurking in trees outside of children's windows :)

Phillip Swann

Wealth Aspiration
LTW: 6 Pets Reach the Top Career Level
Turn Ons: brunettes who wear formal
Turn Offs: Satan (Red heads)

Sloppy 5
Shy 3
lazy 5
Playful 8
Grouchy 5

Dorian Swann the Long-Chinned

Romance Aspiration
LTW: Become a Rock God
Turn Ons: fit logical people
Turn Offs: Sims who cook well (what the fuck?!)

Sloppy 5
Shy 3
Lazy 5
Playful 8
Nice 7

And this is Phillip's childhood friend aged up, Adele. She's actually pretty. Too bad I really am not a Phillip fan.

STOP PLAYING MAHJONG WITH FUCKING CREEPY MEN, PLEASE SABS!!

Just incase you forget whom is whom...
Yes, Phillip and Dorian have split torsos.

At least your mum likes you :)

REALLY?! STOP GRINDING YOUR FATHER!
THAT BULGE IN HIS PANTS IS WHERE YOU CAME FROM!

Might I point out the mail carrier laughing whilst everyone else worries...
Or plays mahjong. It is getting deleted soon.

So, from Rufus' ass came these sparks which turned Sawyer....

Into a beautiful dog

Bus Driver: Go see your damn dog and get the fuck out of my bus!!

Checo's turn ons include teenages making out on the sidewalk.

Well at least his girlfriend is head turning.
Haha, you get it? She turns heads?
Go away, meanie.

Swimsuit: Oh hells naw, you ain't gettin mah man..
Me: Well that's what I said before you and every other girl got with him...

Dylan: I've got a job for you...

Quite the job...hehe...job..

That's sex just incase you didn't know.
But you did. It was the first thing you got your sims to do when you got the game, you know it was.

We interupt this sex for...DESSERT!

Yes, Dylan, you did have sex.

See? Should've been a romance sim. He looks at the guy's crotch and develops a crush on him..

Dylan: Ew..not doing that again.

Madeline: So my brother was declared legally blind when he started kissing his ugly guy friend, Sinclair

Dorian, the "romance" sim gets turned down. Probably because his chin is ever so elongated...

And he doesn't handle rejection too well

Dorian: What the fuck's with this chick? I'm a ROMANCE sim, I'll do things other guys wont! Come on...
To be fair, he did have 'have first kiss' in his wants forever.

Dorian: Yeah, well you have small boobs.

Oh no Dorian didn't...
Sabs: I feel like I should be doing something....

Denied

What. The. Fuck. You're enemies with him and you think this is the time to swoon?

Sabs: He got beaten by a girl...twice. I can't watch.

Sabi: Oh my poor baby!
Claude: Oh baaabe! Even when you're bruised up, I'll still sit in your tree!

And then Dylan somehow got in that fight which confused the hell out of me

Third time's a charm

That's the spirit, Dylan! Smustle your way through your brother getting his ass handed to him

Four times beaten. Really, well, your mum took forever to beat the hippie chick..then I deleted her.

Dorian: Please, matchmaker, I got my ass handed to me thrice plus one times...give me someone pretty who is attracted to me, please!

1) Is not pretty

2) Thinks you're too ugly to dance with
I told you the matchmaker hates your family

And this is why there will be no inbreading between Dylan and Madeline

Dorian, you and your ugly girlfriend are the perfect ugly couple and definatly my favourite couple..even if I hate you individually

Dylan: Sis, does it bother you that we're playing mahjong whilst our chinny brother rubs girls?

And then Madeline proved that she was Jesus and walked across the pool

I'm so proud of Dorian for you know, doing what romance sims are supposed to do...
...charm the...pants off of others
Literally

Ophelia: I really admire the youthful perk of your bosom, skank who my son met 4 hours ago!

The power of Christ compells you, Sabs.

I know I don't have many pictures of her, but Madeline has definatly grown on me

Dylan: Hit that bitch! Do it!

At this point, I'd like to say that Madeline reminds me of Amanda Palmer from the Dresden Dolls

I actually didn't know that sex could give you heatstroke. As I was saying to my friend, LaurietheMuppet,I think this is Maxis' way to teaching abstinance to teenagers (and sorry Laurie, LJ was not co-opperating when I tried to link you).

YES! DORIAN'S FIRST MAN-SLUT STRUT! mmm...yes.

So, I've sent them all to university early because I thought I needed to get the heir picked and that heir to produce generation 3 spawn .
God, I think people who can update every week are just fantastic. I get too impatient with the entire ordeal. Oh well.
Love.

Well slap me silly and call me a sock monkey's uncle

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 02:36:00 GMT

Seeing as I was about 10 pictures away from finishing my update when IE said no no to this update on Sunday, I thought I'd just do it now and get it over with. Well, I would've done it earlier, but I haven't been home until today really with managing the basketball team and art and piano...
Who the fuck cares?! I don't.
GET ON WITH THE UPDATE!
Shall do, Shamu!

Ophelia: Teddy...bear....Teddybear!
Madeline: Fuck no. Give me the damn teddy bare and MAYBE then I'll say it.

Sab's got skillz, yo.

Yep, that's how it's done

Because I put my hand in my mouth after I go potty too.

Sandra: Stupid bitch, he could've gone down the street and paid 25 cents for lemonade....
I love her.

Dylan: So I'm a clone of Sandra then, right?

Sabastian: I dunno, but if you've inheriated anything, you'd better have gotten my penis. Man, that thing knocked your mum up 3 times and just keeps going

Ooo, bitch gonna get it!

I would say that they're saying 'take your top off!' but really, I've seen it about 10 times on other legacies.
Nevertheless, it's made me laugh everytime, so kudos to you guys.

Hippie chick should leave.

Ophelia: Aw, sorry, I would love to...
Sab: YES YES YES!!

I....I....I just love the face. I'm going to go hide in a corner for a while. 'Scuse me.

She's an ugly bag of mostly water, just putting that out there...

Well SOMEONE'S got to love Madeline..

Ophelia: Your fucking neck is mine next time..

Sabastian: Oh hello, 'Phelia! Good job winning that fight!

Ophelia: Uh...
Somethings never change....

Hippie: Ooo! Look! A large chunck of scrapmetal in the sky!

KAFUCKINBOOOOOOM!
And that's $2000 for me. I'm not afraid to use the death creator.

Ophelia: FUCK! YES!

That's the right spirit, Ophelia/Sabastian.

Ophelia: Oh my...I thought my uterus was finished pushing teh babies...

Ophelia: I think I know you from somewhere...
You do.

Sandra: So, Dylan, this kid told me at school today that Mom's a big film star!

Dylan: Really?
Ophelia: Hey kids, I've done things I'm not proud of...Eat your cheesecake!

Ophelia: I said eat your cheesecake, not your damn hand

Sandra: So did you get an award for your movies?

Ophelia: Let's just say...

Ophelia: ...shut the fuck up....
Sandra: *permascowl*

Like you've never seen a pregnant sim do THAT before...

Sandra: Fuck you! I want to clean that, bitch!!

Dylan: Doin' the sprinkler, uh huh uh huh! Now bring it around town! Bring it around town!

Sabastian: Well fuck you! I answered the phone, so talk to me. What? What do you mean? No, of course I can use a phone. If I pick it up, it MUST mean the phone call's for me!

That's magnificent.

Pop.
Townie: A wimbe way! A wimbe way! In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the liiion sleeps tonniiiiiight!
It truely is the circle of life.

Sandra: Damn! I thought I told you guys to wear condoms when you have sex!

Twins. Yes. Biggest mistake of my life. Poor people shouldn't have 5 children.
Oh that's Dorian and Phillip. I hate them for the most part.

Madeline: What are those? Wait wait! I'm still cute! I swear!!! Don't replace me!!!!

Sandra: Don't kiss me, you incest loving brother of mine!!

Well at least SOMEONE does the damn nanny's job.

Ophelia, get over it. I killed the damn bitch for you, she's gone. Kaput.
Ophelia: BUT I'M STILL FURIOUS WITH RAAAAGE!
Homer: I'm a ragaholic! I just can't live without rageahol...
damn. No more Simpsons for me.

Sandra: Cheer for me, bitch. I demand you to cheer!!

She's a hugaholic.

Dylan: You'll pay for this!
Girl: Oh no I won't! My daddy's a judge and will corrupt the system!
Ophelia: Listen to the girl: you're daddy's only a paralegal...
Well it's true. Sab's climbing the career ladder vair vair slowly

Ophelia: I BURN WITH RAGE!

Ophelia: TAKE THAT, DEAD BITCH!

Ophelia: Fuck you, I ain't mourning for no hippie!

Madeline: How DARE you blow my candles out for me, bitch?!

Thank you dead bitch for making Sandra pee herself. Not that she did anything to you..

Madeline the Long Chinned

I would drop her too if my child permascowled at me...

Dead Hippie: GRR! I HATE THAT GIRL I'VE NEVER MET!!!
Thank you.

At least Ophelia's children are pros at redhands unlike...
WHAT THE FUCK? STOP SCARING THE CHILDREN, WHORE!

Ophelia: Where's the beef?

Sandra: So, did you hear? Our mommy's a porn star!

Madeline: Here comes the tickle train!
Sandra: AWAY, VILE DEMON!

That's what you get for bringing the tickle train to Sandra.

Sandra: With a little bit more make up, you could almost pass as a human being!
Madeline: Yeah...I am KIND OF ugly...

Sandra: But if that doesn't work, I'll hire a plastic surgeon to beat your face with a wrench so I can look at you again
Madeline: OMG YES! GO ON!

Nuzzling's the new hugging.

Yes, bring the full-bladdered toddlers bottle after unnecessary bottle...

Phillip: I NEED A BAAAATH, NAAAAAANNNNYYYY!!
Dorian: Someone elimenate my twin.

Good freakin' job.

Sandra: MOM. MOM. MOM. MOM. MOM. MOM.!!!
Sorry, you're a bitch. She likes her non-bitch daughter better.

Dorian: I WILL MAKE YOU FIT, TRIANGE!!

Dylan's got a flair for haute couture.

Sandra: No....chili...nooooo!

Fierce.

Sandra: OH MY GIDDY GOD!!! DO I GET TO CLEAN??? NO FREAKIN' WAY.
And at this point I'd like to point out for the next few screenshots, I forgot to set the camera settings to high quality.

This could ONLY mean promotion.

Ophelia: I AM AMAZING AT NEVER PASSING THE SECOND STAGE OF THE EDUCATION CAREER!!

Ophelia: So, go to China and away from my house. I don't want you infecting me with the pregnancy virus!

Samantha: But...he's a bundle of joy...

Ophelia: Get it away..

Samantha's playing hard to get. All Ophelia wants to do is take her child...

Ophelia: See, if you're smart, you read books. Books on condoms and other contraceptives!

Ophelia: Smack the baby!
Dorian: DON'T SMACK TEH BABY!!

Ophelia: So, Samantha! I would like to know if you'd be willing to donate your unborn child to my child labour factory in China?

It's a hard-knock life.

Sandra: So, Samantha, MY mother's been in many adult films...
And everyone stares. Even Rufus.

And then there was a toy party.
Madeline: OH MY GOD! THERE'S RATS IN MY BOAT!
Sandra: Vroom vroom, bitch.

Birthday time and Ophelia won't watch her first born child...fantastic!

Sandra: IT BUUURRRNS!

Sandra's a slight bit goregous and a slight bit ugly.

SANDRA SWANN
Knowledge Aspiration: LTW - Max 7 Skills

Turn Ons:
-Fitness (Still! No one loves the fatties)
-Charisma
Turn Offs:
-Swimwear

Neat 10
Shy 3
Lazy 5
Playful 7
Nice 10 (my ass)

And a random walk-by decided it was due time to look at naked toddlers and teenagers touching the naked toddlers

But Ophelia thinks he's hot, so it's okay.

Ophelia's so freakin' flexible. No wonder she was in...films...

Madeline: DON'T DROP THE POO BAG ON MY HEAD!!
I hate Nannies with a firey passion.

Sandra: LOOK WHAT I MADE MOM!
She still doesn't love you.

That's half of their family funds gone....1000...precious...dollars. It had better be worth it...

Sandra: OH WHAT THE FUCK?!
The matchmaker obviously remembers your mother.

And that's how Sandra makes friends.

Sandra: It don't mean a thing unless you got the kaching...

Matchmaker: ZOMG! CLEEEEAAAANN!!

Nerd party dead ahead...

YES! Sandra is a freakin' MASTER red-hands player. It's not even funny
He's such a wuss.

Townie: OH HAI GUYS!!!

Sandra: WHY did I pay $1000 for you?

Sandra doesn't think he's all THAT bad...

OH MY RAPTOR JESUS! SNOW!
Snow is way more entertaining than him..

Sandra: Like, there were these blocks...

Sandra: and they totally couldn't do math...

Sandra: And um...there was an elephant!

She has a fierce sense of humour, what can I say?

Sandra: Dorian...something seem's different about you.....Oh! You got a haircut!

I suddenly love Phillip and hate Dorian.
Not to mention, Phillip looks like Paul Dano in that hair XD <3

Sandra: OH MY DEAR RAPTOR JESUS! CLEANING IS SOOOOOO AMAZING!!!

I.....I have never seen a child not burn a muffin! All hail Miss Madeline!

You've got it wrong....girls play with dolls and boys play with cars that go vroom...

Sandra: Oh, you ain't heir yet, bitch.

Sandra: And you! I just don't like you...

She's perfect...I swear.

I totally talk about politics with snowmen too....damn I hate penguins so fucking much...

Sabastian: Waaa....I don't like this game.

And I guess that's it! I thought I took more pictures, but eh, whatever. Just be satisfied knowing that Sabastian looks even more emo than his emo child he's playing with.
Next update, Dylan puberty-ifies...as well as a bunch of the rest of them because I'm tired of a billion children at once.

Some people would try to make you think that 18x3 is 55

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 22:13:53 GMT

This is basically part one of an update, but yeah. I played the game a lot and then didn't do a lot of updating. So expect another update right after this one? Yes.

Last update!
There was a birthday party, some pedophelia and those sorts of things....I think

Redhead: I'll take the old man from here.
Pink Jacket: Dear God, yes.

Florence eats her feelings.

Logan: So, your husband was telling me about his magic stick!
Ophelia: Yeah...*nibbles on spaghetti*

Ophelia: Dear Jebus, Florence. Put on a dress or make up or something. Anything!

Ophelia: Mmmmm....thought bubble.

And Sabastian gets to feel Logan's bum-oley. What a lucky lad.

Redhead: I'd love for you to handcuff me up
Ophelia: What the...oh well. Cleaning's more fun.

Claude: I'd come over during the black of night

Redhead: And then you can work your magic on me!
This is Claude's magic day.

Redhead: Then I could make you breakfast in the morning and...
Claude: Whoa whoa...I've got a wife to make me breakfast! You're just for jailbait purposes.

I swear, if one more townie plays on my damn refridgerator, heads will roll.

Pink Jacket: Oh you stupid bitch! Claude's going to have fun with you!

Oh Raptor Jesus, I love the toddler-child interactions

Old, senile men have a right to play peeking Tom.

Florence: So I see you're reading a book!
Wow, Florence, wow. That is the sound of one hand clapping.

Popping is almost soothing for Ophelia now. I can't even remember what her normal clothes are half of the time. She's spending most of her life in the preggers zone.

Rufus: Someone likes me!

Rufus: Bitch! No one likes me and gets away with it!

Sandra: When you're alone, do you just take a spatula handle to yourself or....
wait...what's that in your bed, Sandra?

Go home, Logan.

Sandra: Mwuhaha..stupid townie. Wait until I inflict my nerd on her

Sandra: So you see, x is equal to one half y squared.
That's sad to think that a kid can do pre-calculas better than I can...

I love this child.

Yes, I'm proud of Sabastian for learning how to talk.

Florence: No demon child! I ain't playing no redhands with you!

So Sandra influenced her to go kiss the old man
Claude: Oh helllz no. I like 'em young, not desperate!

Sandra: So at your age, I bet you have to be at a certain temperature to get them sperm a swimmin'..

Pink Jacket: So yeah, he tried to show me his train...

..And take me to Brazil, but I ran; therefore, defeating the old man
Florence: I will steal your youth in your sleep.

Dylan: Mommy, what are you doing down there?

Dylan has such harsh feelings about his unborn sibling that he has to stab him/her with his foot.

It runs in the family I guess.
As a side note: Do NOT stab your womb. I don't advise it. I mean, you can do it, but don't blame me when you realise that it hurts.

Ophelia's head is a gateway to hell.

Toddler bum scooting is just....just....beautiful.

Sandra: What the fuck? No A+ on the first day? Some bitch's gonna get cut!

Girl: So I can use the potty now!
Sandra: OMFG YES!!1

Drop everything and crease daddy's silk shirt. Classy.
All these children have to stop doing the important interactions and hug daddy/mommy you know, just incase they die or something.
And by 'these children,' I mean there will be about a billion children.

He walked through the door and went 'Dance!' and fell within two seconds.
Sandra's a huge freakin' nerd.

Sabastian: Get out of the way! You're cramping my style, child!

Sabastian: You ruined my dance so, well, I'm going to have to nuke you
Girl: Oh okay. I understand.

Scandalous! A tree!

Great parenting skills start with dropping your child...
Hey!
What's that?
I'm totally nuking that bitch who's playing on my fridge!

Ophelia: Oh you can say my name! Well that's all that matters! Fuck learning how to say 'bottle,' just flatter me some more.
P.S. She's not naked. Someone already thought she was, but no, she isn't. Thank you very much.

Sandra: So, I've got two best friends because I'm your popular wee spawn

Sabastian: Well, um...I've got two best friends too! Yeah! They work at the office and oh...yeah..
Sandra: Sure...

Girl: So I hate peace...
Sabastian: ...Get out. GET OUT OF MY DAMN HOUSE!!

Sabastian: I am SO going to kill your bird before you get home.

Parenting tip #1: Don't let strangers who roam on into your house to shake your babies.

OH DEAR FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER! You've got something on your face.

Ophelia: Run on back to your planet, child!

Sabastian: Oh yes!
Ophelia: Oh bitch, I'm gonna break your neck if you keep talking to my man.

I'll eat your spam if you don't want it. Mm...spam 'n' eggs

Sabastian: Ah! That's my ass!

Sabastian: Oh hi little girl! What are you doing in my bedroom?
Girl: What the hell, man! Your wife is going into labour!
Ophelia: [stops the birthing process to stare at Sabastian]

B-A-B-Y!
yep, That's Madeline Swann..

Sabastian: Did you hear? Your mom had a baby!
Sandra: What? Since when?

Dylan: Don't eat me!
The girl has not gone home and the nanny is a-lurkin'.

Nuke the fridge bitch!
Nuke the two nannys!
Nuke the fact that the nannys are letting an infant shove plastic down his throat!

Ophelia: I got demoted! WOOOOT! CHEER FOR ME!

Ophelia: Hehe....get out!

Doesn't matter if it's rain or shine...'DADDY! YOU CAME HOME! <3'
I found where Sabastian's plumbbob went to *points to the upper left-hand corner*

Girls just wanna have fuh-un! Oh whoa girls just wanna have fun!

Sabastian: Aren't you a little young for me?

Teh baby Madelinez!

Boy: bang bang!
Sandra: Oh..my...God...your hair! Haha!

Mmmm...Shake the baby!
Notice Madeline's anti-gravity plaited braids?

Blondie: I'd just like to you know, kiss you, Sandra!
Call her in a few days when she's a teen.

Sabastian: Yes! Burn your hand on the fire, Dylan! MWUHAHA!

Everyone is a laugh except one..

Sabastian: Oh bitch, you didn't.

Thsssss....awkward.
Damn. I can't make the sound I want. It's the one where you know uhm...aw crap. You don't know that kid.

Sabastian: Look kid, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Don't come on to me or my child daughter.

Blondie: Oh hell no, I love you two too much! Nothing can stop true love!
I beg to differ seeing as Romeo and Juliet killed themselves because they were dumbshits.

Sabastian: Psst, kid, even if I did want you, I'd go to jail.

Sabastian: Just go see the freaky deaky matchmaking lady and leave us alone.

Yes, that's how you make best friends, Sandra. Show 'em your crotch.

Dylan: Eh...I learned how to walk the other day!

Ophelia: Oh! To hell with puzzles!!

I'm melting!!

Ophelia: Hehe..I should do this more often

Sabastian: She's gonna make that hippie a ghost.
Foreshadowing. OOOO!

Aww! Look at Sandra run into the other room
Sabastian: Woooot! Cat fight!

Oh no she didn't.

Ophelia: Me? But I could never instigate a fight. Or the Spanish inquisition

Ophelia keeps her pimp hand strong...and pimp wrist twisted.

Oh no she didn't: take two.

Take there: Ophelia buts the hippie through the glass table. Woot.

Sandra: Maybe you wouldn't look so bad if you wore make up...or anything something yes

Sandra: How DARE you tickle me!

Dylan: *points* balls!
Yes, when you hit puberty, they'll develop, Dylan. Just wait.

Dylan: So do you smack them around?
Blondie is a big fan of masterbation apparently.

Sabastian: So how about a kissy poo
(Damn, has a cat ever yawned in your nose before? It smells AWFUL)

Ophelia: I've got something better?
Sabastian: *puzzled* What could that be?

Blondie: Oh hey! I heard a noise and I thought yeah...well Hello, Sabastian! Peerooow!
Ophelia: Get this kid out of my house, now.

Sabastian: A woman in her skimpies? What..why would anyone put a piece of cloth up their asscrack?

Anyway! I've got another update ready, I just need to caption the pictures and yeah. I'll either get it done tonight or tomorrow after school or uhm, some other time in the week. I think I might only be able to update maybe once a week for a while because I go back to school tomorrow and yep...ugh. School. Do not want the school time.

Smustle and the World Smustles With You

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 07:03:15 GMT

Perhaps, uhm...97 snap snaps. Dial up beware.

We last left off with uh...I don't know. I think Dylan was born. Yes, yes he was. He came forth from between Ophelia's legs and a second possible heir was born.
Oh the drama we could have.
No.

And we start off with a new 3x3 property because my computer sucks....
Word to the reader: don't let your dog bury your child in a hole.
It's not healthy.

And hello! Who is this? Gorgeous Miss Sandra the First Esquire.
Thank Jebus I let ~~Creeper von Creepenstein~~ Sabastian into the legacy.
Sabastian's a long name to type. Why don't we just call him Sab, Saab, Sabsters, Sabikins or something else for now because I am lazy, cold and tired.

Well, at least Sandra shares Ophelia's hate of the human race.
Sandra: And now you're dead, you plastic bitch.

And look who got demoted! Not that I've never seen her do that before.
Thar also be a man in that piece of crap on wheels.

Ophelia: Oh Goooooood!! My child's going to be a failure like me! It's all my fault! Damn my fertile eggs!
Forshadowing?

DON'T SNAP YOUR CHILD'S NECK ON THE DAMN SINK, SABIPOO!

She brought home Claude, Logan (Ophelia's BFF!)'s father (but not my self sim's current husband. Oh the drama.)
Ophelia: Your son...has no eyebrows!!
Claude: That's what Alanna gets for divorcing me, that skank.
Me: Hey! You cheated on sim-me! Die.

Claude, you've got your own, young wife. Stupid romance sims.

Ophelia: So I says, "Your boner's not THAT big!"
Claude: Well then I'm not using that line.

Claude then realised that he had no chance with Ophelia and moved on to younger, more, hmm, naive girls.
Claude: God, I'd love to rope her in and show her my 'baseball' if you know what I mean!
Ophelia: Oh! You've only got one ball! I get it!

Claude: NO FATTIES ALLOWED!
Ophelia: OH DEFINATLY!!!
What wholesome bonding.

Ophelia: The earth isn't big enough for them!

Ophelia: The child labourers could totally grind them fatties up into hotdogs! I've always said child labour was good for something!
Claude: Hmm, yes...I see...I see! You make perfect sense!
Child labour is infectious, wouldn'tcha know?

Ophelia:....and some oil down there might be good for you at your age....

FAIL!
The world does not look good for their children.

Claude: They might be throwing me in jail for pedophelia later on..
Saab: Want to baby sit my children?

Sandra: Oh heeeeellz no I ain't comin' over to the dark side!

I WILL EAT YOU!!!!!!!
Please don't.

Rufus: mmm...baby meat for supper!
What caring parents.

And then make sexy infront of the children. Bravo. You two should write a book on parenting along with Lynn Spears.

Sabs: C'mon. Tonight, please!
Ophelia's such a tease, letting people look up her skirt and not delivering.

Sab Sab: Drop teh baby!
Dylan: DON'T DROP TEH BABY! *clings*

Ophelia: Don't waste your time, he likes 'em young and supple.
Claude: Would you like to climb aboard my boat?

Crap. I missed it. 14 minutes ago was 2008. Oh well *makes out with hand*...
What? New years' kiss.
Well poo poo to you.
:)

Pink jacket: Rufus! SAVE ME!
Claude: *pounce*

Ophelia: So, I got demoted yesterday!
Sabieth: Anything ACTUALLY new?

Sabi: So, let's celebrate your demotion by christening these sheets, shall we?
Ophelia: *plus*

MEANWHILE!

Claude: You will be mine!

Pink Jacket: STRANGER DANGER!

Pink Jacket: I feel so....violated...
Don't worry, PJ, I will protect you ~~just so you can get into my legacy.~~

Claude: So, my tool's THIIIISS big. You'd need a hardhat!

Ophelia: Haha, you're old!...

Even he's a little young for you, Claude.

Pink Jacket: RUN!

Ophelia: EW! Children! Get it off!

Sabbs: Tee hee...sex.

I have spammed you.

Sabbitha: Oh well...you fail speech.
Thanks for leaving your baby on the floor, Sabaaaaastian.

Sandra: Bitch, you ugly! HA!
Burn.

THANK YOU, RUFUS!
You have no idea how much I hate nannies...especially when two decide to show up and do nothing the entire day.

Nanny lezzie party.

Sandra: I DIDN'T WANT NO BATH, HOE! SLEEP!

Nannie's suck.

Melissa Fancy: I look pretty damn good next to that ugly, trash digging, tartan wearing, old fogey!
True.

Wells you's gots to hid the nanny bodies somewhere!

This is ophelia practicing romance.
Now think of what could be in her romancing hand.
Hoe.

Florence: Well I'm not stealing that!
Sabsikins is a brillant father and knows it.

GET YOUR OWN CHILDREN!

Sabsie: Say 'high chair.'
Sandra: High chair!
Sabisabs: Well you're never going to get one because we're too poor to afford a floor, sucka!
Harsh.

I love toddler/pet cuddling.

Sabsika: And now for my final act, the disappearing baby!
Dylan: DON'T DROP TEH BABY!

Sabition: Be gone, demon child!

Sweet merciful Raptor Jesus! Dylan's a freakin' cutie.

Sabmyneckhurts: OOO! SHINEY!!

Sabington: Eh, what could an ominous, red, glowing bottle of poison do?
DELETE, MOFO!

Dylan: What a cutie I am!
Sandra: Oh bitch, you didn't.

Sandra: That's right, you crawl away from my goddessness.

May I present, Sandra the usurper.

Sandra's going to be a popular one later on if she keeps putting long things in her mouth.

Ophelia: SHIT! Not again.

Sabless: Good job learning how to walk!

Ophelia: ......thanks.......

Scrub the bubble bum!

Oh you love bowel movement, Ophelia. Don't lie.

Carpool Driver: How come you make more money than I do?!

An alcoholic in the making.

Yeah, you get sick when you leave garbage around the house. I swear, she kept dropping random bags of trash EVERYWHERE.

AND I SHALL NAME YOU CLARK KENT!

Oh..

Oh!

NO!!! DEATH TO TODDLERS PLAYING WITH THE DAMN TOILET!
Sandra: What's this brown thing...?

Someone's been replaced and resorts to eating men. Again, going to be quite popular later on with those skills.

Dylan: Move, bitch! Get out da way!
Me: That's right, NEITHER of you get the damn toilet.

Ophelia: Smack that all on the floor, smack that, give me some more.

Ophelia: What I'm trying to say is....you have no eyebrows.

Hawt.
Ophelia: Bum!

Ophelia: See, I'd like to put a thermometre up...there
Logan: Mmmhmm! I am listening!

Ophelia, you have failed red hands...AGAIN. Give up, already!

Sabsters: Would you marry my toddler son and produce children?

Redhead: Why, I'd rather choke myself, thank you very much!

Sabathon: Well, if my son's inherited anything, it's my rocket!
Redhead: Of course!

Redhead: Logan, you were sculpted by the Gods themselves!

DON'T LET TEH TODDLER RUN INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC!

Guess who's back!
It's everyone's favourite pedophile: Claude!

Sabi: Stay the hell away from my children, old man!
Well at least he's got some paternal instincts.

Claude: What I wouldn't give to kiss you, Dylan.

Ophelia, just go with the flow.

Claude: Hey son! Remember when I potty trained you?
Logan: That was Mom. You cheated on her with my now father-in-law. Go away.
Soap opera, anyone?

Florence: EW! OLD MAN!

Ophelia: Don't touch the fire, Sandra!!!!

Pressure. Stress. Pressure.
Poor toddler.

Friggen cutie!!!!

I hate to tell you Sabbipoohs, but the counter is right beside you.

Sandra, reigning princess of Cute-As-Hell land.

Claude: Away vile woman! There are children to be had!

Sabby: And so I said to her, "Would you like to see my magic stick?"
Logan: And then what?!?!

Claude: You can't tell anyone about our love!!!!

Pink Jacket: 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well that's it for now! It's 1 AM and I need the sleep.
Happy 2008!

You wouldn't have much fun in Stalingrad, Mr. Hitler....PS...My earlier entries are..ass.

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:40:59 GMT

Ello ello! This is my first legacy and I wanted in on the fun, so any constructive critisism would be great.

So I was a complete idiot and didn't change my snapshots to high everything and soooo we start here:

Mmmhmm...Yes. Don't you just love the colour green?

Ophelia Swann
Family - LTW: Become Minister of Education
Sloppy 5
Shy3
Lazy 5
Serious 5
Nice 7

Turn ons
Black Hair
Creativity

Turn Offs
Fatties

And there's barely any screenshots of Rufus because he just growls at everything. I'm not too fond of that mutt.

Monsieur carpool driver, your car....it may, perhaps, be posessed.
(Crap. NEEEEEEEVER saving my screenshots as jpgs again).

Run the lazy bastard over! That'll teach him to never get out of the car again.

1. Fail
2. Cry about it for hours
3. Don't move on with life. It's better to be emo on the sidewalk anyway.
4. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

OMFG BFFFFFFFFFFF, LOGAAAAN!!111111!!!!!
But no, he's married to an annoying sim that I hate and want to die and makes ugly children. Yeah.

Ophelia: Yes, yes, we should start a factory AND use child labour! It's cheap and it gets things done.

Ophelia: Yeah, screw the world! Environmentalists are just holding everyone back from enjoying the finer, cheaper things in life.

Ophelia: And while the world is crumbling, we can make kinky in my tiny single bed!
Logan: ......
He then hung up.
Me: I think it's time you made hiers and non-hier baby-a-trons.

But of course, Ophelia had about oh, $250 because she decided to get fired.
The matchmaker whore wasn't too pleased with the $158 Ophelia spent on her date.
MMW: You know I accept $5000 bribes too, right?

And this fell from the sky. I'm not quite sure if he's acceptable or not...He's got a really weird jaw and curvtacular eyebrows.

Ophelia: Like what you see up my skirt?
Blind Date: That's what it looks like? Score!
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you his name. It's Creeper von Creepenstein from Creeperville, Creepslavainia.
You will understand later. I promise. Girl Guide's honour.

CvC: I can use the toilet now. Yay me! I'm a big kid now.

Nice arm hair, Ophelia.

Notice the lighting change? He hasn't eaten in 12 hours and refuses to go home. Poor Ophelia.

Ophelia: What I'm really looking for is someone to spank and cover in whip cream.
Also, forgot to mention, the pop up menu hated CvC so much that all Ophelia could do with him was hang out, chat and charm.

Ophelia: Sim gods, why do you curse me so?!?!
Me: Make. Babies. Or. Send. Him. Home! Your uterus clock is ticking.

Ophelia: Good Rufus. Make more dirty on the pillow and he'll go home.
Good luck.

Creeper von Creepenstein might be a little forward, but it's good to know he's not shy and would be ready to get on the baby making train.

Logan phones every day. She gets the cosmic horn when she talks to him.
CvC gets in his lovely place when he looks at Rufus.

Rodents?

Burnt food?

She passes gas in his face, but he doesn't care. It must be lurrrrrrv.

What says love like insects on your clean counter? He did this about 10 times and she kept getting rid of them.
LEAVE ~~BRITNEY~~ OPHELIA ALOOOOOONE!!

Ophelia: OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Creeper von Creepenstein: BUT I LOVE YOU!

CvC: Bye! I'll be waiting when you get home!
Kill me now.

Ophelia: DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!!

When she got home, she had a change of heart and tried to be friendly and hold is hands...
CvC: What kind of whore do you think I am?! Holding your hand?!!!! Oh no you didn't!

So I locked him out and he stood there for two hours sweating.

Ophelia: Logan, I need a baseball and I need you to hit my stalker in the head with it. I'll put my finger prints on it if you're concerned about it. Anything to get him out.
Desperation.

Ophelia: You must have gigantic balls to stay this long.

Creeper: I's only got a little bit of money to pay you for sex...sorry...
Ophelia: Let your sperm swim away.

He likes underwear and hates fatties. At least they've got something in common. They can bond over their hate for cellulite.

Rufus: What a whore.

Creeper: BOOOOOOBIEZZ!! LAWL!

Creper: Woman in transparent underwear? I don't think so.

And then I figured out how to get him to leave! Thank you boolProp. You are the God of all cheats.

Ophelia: Peace and quiet. Thank you sim God
Me: No problemo.
Now, let us explore the 'casual dating' scene, shall we?

The matchmaking whore really doesn't like Ophelia.

Ophelia: Stop! Don't touch me there! This is my private square! R-A-P-E, stay the hell away from me!!
It goes to a catchy little song too. Try it out.

I was fed up with this evil whore and kachinged her $5000.

Bowl cut: Boooooobies!
Needless to say, I sent the hair cut his mum gave him home...

....And then called Creeper von Creepenstein from Creepsville, Creeplivania.
He got hot. Fast. He stays.

Creeper: AH! Woman!

Creeper does not want. DOes not want indeed.
And I'm not changing the capital O in was. So there.
My basement is cold. Brr...
Anyway.

He is human after all. His name isn't really Creeper *shock*
Sabastian Thomason.
His parents must have been terrible spellers.

And this is what keeps his spine from detaching from his brain.

Sabastian: NO FAT CHICKS!
Sidenote ---> I've never had a sim get so scared of another sim in my life. He started spazzing and groaning and jumping.
Lots of verbs ending with -ing. I know.

Sabastian: Wanda, you could fill an entire city block with your adipose tissue.

It's getting annoying.

You don't HAVE to impress her. You're married...and you know what that means...

Yes Ophelia, he has a penis and all it's spermiful glory is yours. YOURS BRUWHAHAHAHAHA

Ophelia: Sound the alarm!....

<Bowchickawowwow> It's Dr. Luuurrrv's time to shine! </Bowchickawowwow>

So we're going to not show them making sweet, sweet love, but insted here's Sabastian's vitals:

Sabastian Thomason

LTW: 20 Best Friends (no.)

He brought in $4, 314

Sloppy 5
Shy 5
Lazy 5
Serious 5
Mean 5

Honestly. It's all about the fives.

Turn Ons
Undies
Sims who are good at Cleaning

Turn Offs
FATTIES

No respek for the large ones in this family.

Ophelia: WHAT THE HELL?! TV dinners can do that?

***I er...may have sped up her pregnancy***

Ophelia: Did you do this to me?!! I want answers!

Ophelia: My....uterus..! What have you done to me? Was it you, Rufus?!!
You know, he has a long tail.

Ophelia: Get it out, get it out!
What are you so worried about Sabastian? You're not pushing a placenta covered monkey out from your pelvic bone.
Two years ago, the school made us watch a video of a woman giving birth. It has scared my brain.

A cutie! Her name's Sandra and has all of her mother's colouring...not a good sign.

Poor random teen jogger had to see Ophelia give birth.
Jogger: So THAT'S where babies come from!

Look who it is! Ophelia's BESTEST bestest bestest bestest friend in the whole child labour world, Logan!
Ophelia: Why can't you be mine?
Mm..agreed. Although he is the son of my self sim. Is that considered incest?

Ophelia: So Brandon Lilliard is ugly...
Logan: NO. FREAKING. WAY.
Will the suprises never cease?

Ophelia fails at red hands AND rock, paper scissors AND the first stage of the military career. It's just not fair.
Ophelia: I don't want to! *throws three-year-old tantrum*
What will your children think, you failure! You fail life, go back to Hogwarts, failure.

Shock beyond all shock: LOGAN HAS NO EYEBROWS!
Yeah, I deleted mostly everything I downloaded before I started the legacy, so yes.

Sabastian: You want to see my magic stick?
Notice the nice green arrow? Still staying strong.
Hehe...strong. It certainly stands...upright, no?
I'm going to quit whilst I'm ahead.

Let's try again, shall we?

Ophelia: Did you bring the oils to bed?
Sabastian: <stare>

Sabastian: Well I've got a baby-making factory between my legs
Ophelia: *PLUS!*

....ugh, my cat just jumped on the chair. I'm going to have hairy pants now. Boohoo. I fail Pants 101.

Ophelia: Remember when you took my flower?

Sebastian: Yeah! I took it like a freakin' sumo wrestler. Want to do it again?

It's Sandra's birfday!
Sabastian: I made that through sex!
Honestly, all their thought bubbles are about themselves, each other, sex and kissing. It's frustrating.

Ophelia + Sabastian: Sex.

And then Sandra farted out the candles. Looks like she got more than her mother's genetics.

Sandra, they wont let you grow up, I apologize. The pregnant lady just wants to pounce on the cake and push out more babies.

...hehe...Tombstone of Life and Death is amazing. Speed up the pregernancy! Ondelay! Ondelay!
What? Her uterus isn't getting any younger.

Ophelia: Since when did my daughter grow up?

Yes, just keep thinking about each other and all the babies you could make, but you're not getting more.
You can't even handle the one being eaten by the freaking counter!!
DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT THE TODDLER DEVOURING COUNTER?!?!?!

Sandra: Mommy! I narrowly escaped the counter! LOVE ME!
Ophelia: What the hell do you want from me?!

Ophelia: NO MORE!
Sabastian: Push! PUUUUSSSHHHH!

Tada! Baby Dylan!
Er...Dylan as in the boy's name, not the girl's name. It's a boy.
Okay, what the hell is with the dominant genes here?! SimPE, you are most DEFINATLY going to change this!
Also never showed a real shot of Sandra's face. It's pretty except for stupid Sabastian's curved upon curvey eyebrows.

My first update. Be proud of me. PROOOUD!